i dont know what to do, hes really angry

i came home today and as soon as i walk into the kitchen my father is very cold and glares at me, when i ask him whats wrong he doesnt reply and just keeps glaring and going about his business. he is so angry i can feel it coming off him, and when i checked my room it was a bit messed up. i dont know what he was looking for, or if he found anything. i dont htink there was anything in my room that was weird or shouldnt be there. checked my mams room and her cards on the windowsill are gone. looks more like a spring clean. but my room was more messy i dont know what he was doing and why he is so angry now. my mam isnt scared because she doesnt htink she has done anything wrong. i understand her reasoning but its just with my father it doesnt matter if you havent done anything wrong if he is angry he feels it is justified and it can get very explosive. I'm sared of when he starts yelling ( or maybe he will just stew , i dont know), i dont know why he's angry, i wasnt even at home to say anything wrong. i dont know what to do because i am at home all day tomorrow, and tonight and it will just be me with him tomorrow and if he is still this angry or not speaking or just fuming i would be really scared because im really sensitive and i cant handle him when he is so angry. i donteven know why he was messing around my room. it scares me so much and i dont know what to do, does anyone have any advice? ironically i was trying to do some breathing excercises that my counsellor mentioend for when i get anxious. i am just really scared now but i think it helped minutely. this sound relaly clichedbut dinner is in a few minutes and im scared of what he's going go do/say/yell? . recently he hasnt been yelling as much, but i dont know, he still dosnt trust anyone and still denies any responsitibilty. i shouldnt care so much about his reactions but it scares me so so much and i have no idea what ive done wrong. i can't stand the whole tense atmosphere, and when he's angry its just so much worse

any advice appreciated oh god i dont know...

Lotso x

Hi, how old are you? being scared of your own father is not a good feeling. Have you talked with your counselor about this and your father's behavior?

heya. im 22 i know. i talk to my counsellor bout it and im trying to learn to deal with it. I actually do alot of things to try help myself, i do breathing excercises, i go to a support group, i have a blog, i go for walks most days, i listen to music, i italk to my friend. i also go to an online support group. i also got a self help book on managing emotions . i think my problem is that i am getting too overwhelmed and it outweights all the good things i try to do my capacity for bull $#%^ isnt very high lol. which is a pity. because i think with someone else if they did all that i was doing, it would be enough, or kinda. i am really bad with coping and have a really bad , i dont know how to say it, stamina ? like i can't last long when im trying to be strong bcause i have relaly bad self esteem and self image.

You don't have to try to be strong, thats just putting up an act. Of course it doesn't last long. Do you feel therapy is helpful for you, does it give you tools on how to improve self esteem and such?

Also it sounds like living with your dad is stressful for you. Have you considered moving out, maybe that is an option.

hiya, i forgot to mention, that time when he was angry he actually calmeddown 20 mins when i went into the kitchen again. he was sitll pissed i think, but he was trying to mask it and he was being rly polite and 'nice' . and he didnt take out his anger on anyone afterwards...so maybe he just found a way to release it :/ i dont know. hes been alot better the last 3 weeks, lord knows why, its just im trying to deal with the aftermath of how he has been i think. it doesnt help that im alone because the mother doesnt understand the extent of my pain i dont know if we're working on my self esteem , i jsu tell my cousnellor how i find it hard to cope with my father, and things about always feeling like im not good enough., with anyone really. I have a friend who knows about my situation, but he gets kind of overwhelmed i think soemtimes because he doesnt know what ot do. so i guess ill just keep blogging all the time till i see my counsellor haha. right im ranting. ill stop now .

lostsobear