Dealing with the aftermath

OK so this is my first post on this subject but just feel the need to get advice from people who have been in similar situations......and i do apologise for it being so long

I was with my BF for 2 years (i am 32 he is 29.) For the first year everything was amazing - he was the nicest, sweetest person. Then all of a sudden his personality seemed to change - he became excessively jealous, controlling, would put me down all the time, call me controlling(i am not in the slightest!!!) He would stay out for hours on end at night drinking with his friends only to return steaming drunk and come and shout at me for no reason while i am in bed. He would divert my calls when i was calling him to see where he was. He let his job slip away (boxer) and blamed it on meeting me and how his life was so bad since he met me. Please bear in mind i go to work 6 days a week and never go a day sick so its not as if i wasnt trying to encourage him to stay on the right track. I, being stupid funded him financially as he was always unwell so couldnt work full time. I literally paid for everything- he gave no thanks for that.

When we first met he had recently split up with his ex (within the past month) and said he didnt want her to know about us yet - i thought that fair enough as no woman wants to see their man move so quiclky onto the next one. Also she has a small child who he was involved with and i did not want to upset them so thought it fine to keep everything quiet for a while. The problem was he still maintained contact with her until the day we broke up which i was not happy about but he said it was because she was living in his old house (i have since found out its her house) and he needed to speak to the child as wanted to stay in his life. This carried on for the entire relationship and caused major issues with us but he could always sweet talk me so i would often just let it go - it wasnt worth him flying into one of his rages.

His behaviour got continually worse with me - he would go mad over the slightest thing - punching holes in walls, threatening to burn my business down, injure my family etc. I was just too scared to leave. It all came to a head just before xmas after a huge row where he smashed up the whole house - calling me all sorts of names as i was going to my works' xmas do the next evening and he did not want me drinking and demanded me home by 10pm which of course i challenged as it is the one night i would of gone out this year. Anyway, long story short, the police got called by a neighbour and he got arrested. We spoke the day after but not a single sorry from him - just once again all the verbal abuse.

Fast forward a week or so and he came back to the house after stayng away for a while and we said we would try and work on things and have a nice xmas together. I bought him gifts, did a huge food shop ready for it all......He then goes out on xmas eve (thought he might as I expected him to go for drinks with friends) It got to about 1030 and he still wasnt home and guess what? His phone is switched off. I tried again and again but figured his battery must be flat so went to bed thinking i would wake up with him next to me.

At 12.20am Xmas morning I then received the most devastating phonecall of my life from my brother to tell me that my dad had just passed away. In complete shock of course the first person i call was my partner to tell him to come home - his phone was still off. I called and called and called him but nothing. At 8am i get a text to say - i went out with my mates last night, got drunk be back in a bit but dont want u giving me grief.........I quickly called him back as he obviously hadnt listened to my voicemails and his phone was off again. He then called me finally at 11am where i told him about my dad and he said I'll be back in half hour.

HE NEVER SHOWED UP. I spent all xmas day on my own after hearing this news (family live far away) and had no car and no public transport. The next time i heard from him was boxing day at 4pm. By this point i had bagged all his stuff up as I was absolutely fuming at him as was convinced he was with his ex. (who else could he be with) He of course denied this completely.........I told him where to go of course.

The next day he calls me as he knows he owes me money and i need it to pay for my dads funeral - he calls me saying you're a piece of sh**t this is on my terms - i will give you x amount today x tomorrow and x the day after.......I said that isnt good enough its to pay for a funeral and then he put the phone down. That is the last i heard of him. His phone has been off (obviously got a new number) None of his friends or family know where he is (or so they say)

So today i decided to call "his ex's" home phone and just withold my number and guess who answers - YES HIM. He has gone crawling straight back to her - the girl he said the relationship was over with, and has no care for what he has put me through.

I just dont know what to do - this guy is a complete lunatic - some of the threats he has made to me are awful - too bad to write - he told me if i had a kid he would batter it! (he seriously must have some mental health isuues)

I feel like she should know what has been going on as my only thought is that he has strung her along the whole time we have been together so when he hasnt seen me (on a saturday maybe while im at work) hes been seeing her and keeping her hanging....but then i worry if i tell her what will the aftermath be?! He is now leading a nice cosy life again yet all his stuff is here (we have a 3 bed house so theres a lot of stuff) he has a door key,all his clothes. books, training equipment etc and he has just shut off from it all and is literally pretending our 2 years together never happened.

I really dont know what to do - do i get in contact with her? I just feel that he has lied to us both so badly and yet he is the one who has come out on top - plus he is such an abusive person she should perhaps know what he is like!

Any advice gratefully received - but be gentle with me im very fragile at the moment!!!

You don't sound fragile at all. What you went through requires a strength that few people can muster. I believe that you might be right in that he was probably stringing her along while he was with you (and vice versa). At this point, it sounds like he's finally out of your life. This sounds like a good thing to me. Admittedly, he still owes you money, but chances are he's going to try to string that along. I wouldn't count on it. As for his things, since you know where he is, you can at least contact him to get them. I highly recommend you changing the locks, as it's apparent that he has a violent streak and I wouldn't want this man in my house without my permission. Lastly, I don't recommend contacting the girl he's with. It's good that you want to warn her, but I guarantee he's poisoned her mind against you and you wouldn't be listened to. She'll see what sort of man he is in time (if she doesn't already know).