Abuse? I'm not sure... Help!

Hi guys, me again... Hope you are doing ok.

So, yet again in the last week or so i've outlined to him on several occasions the reasons why I don't love him any more and that I don't want to be with him and that that is never going to change now - i even wrote him a letter to explain in detail, which i watched him read. To my amazement he admitted that he wasn't sure all along whether he wanted me around long term anyway, and that he'd had serious doubts about marrying me in the first place!! This obviously upset me quite a lot but also made me feel a little better and less guilty about wanting to leave him and saying i didn't love him now. I thought that perhaps now we could live in peace without him thinking things would go back to how they were before.... Once more, i was wrong.

My main problem is that he still won't let up with the constant questioning and asking what I'm doing... I have a couple of online friends who know my situation who I can confide in, but if he hears me typing he continually asks who I am talking to. Tonight for example he has asked me 7 or 8 times within a couple of hours what I am doing on the computer and who i am talking to. I've tried to ignore him, i've tried to explain, i've tried getting angry, but nothing works and he won't stop it. He also still calls me up multiple times while i'm out and also lots of times whilst he is working... I tell him i can do what i want, that we are no longer together, so its none of his business, but he will not get the message.

He's also now taken to telling me how depressed and anxious i make him all the time... This comes totally out of the blue after him being 'nice' to me for a while and always makes me feel so guilty and causes yet another argument. Last night he woke me up almost every hour to complain about how horrible I am and how he can't accept the situation.

His answer for everything is that we are married so i can't do the things i am doing... As if a piece of paper gives him ownership of me.

I know for a fact that he's has had alcohol a couple of times in the past week, which scares me a lot because it's while i'm out working overnight and he's meant to be looking after our daughter. Whilst i know he would never hurt her purposely, i'm just worried he'll ignore her or get in such a mess he'll be incapable of taking good care of her. Is there anything i should do in this situation? i'm just so scared about our daughter and what could potentially happen.

He is also now playing his games all through the night if he doesn't have work the next day, which is being even more disruptive than usual to me, especially when i have just started back with my studies.

I don't know the legalities of everything, but how can i get away from him with our daughter when i don't earn enough money for a place? I'm sure they are ok, but i'm not keen on going to a refuge or anything like that for my daughter's sake.

Thanks again guys.. It's so helpful to hear your replies.

EarlyMorning wrote:Just make sure you clear your internet history and don't use passwords to this site that he would know or guess. Hopefully he's not one of those really creepy guys who has spyware on your laptop but to be safe maybe only use a pc not located at home.

I wrote this to you a while ago but it seems you are typing at home. Try not to if possible.

I know you don't want a refuge but it wouldn't be forever.

Have you spoken to the counsellor? I'd get in touch with a domestic violence charity and ask to go see someone to ask about your options. Seriously I would.

I completely agree with EarlyMorning..

A refuge sounds like it could be a really good option for you right now.

As things are atm, you're not getting any sleep, you're constantly stressed and you're worried about your daughters wellbeing around him.

How much alcohol are we talking about here btw.? If he's actually drunk when he's supposed to be taking care of your daughter then he's breaking the law.

Refuges have a bad reputation but I promise you that they're far better than they sound.. I've visited 7 different refuges in and around the part of the UK that you would likely be placed in and they were all actually really nice. Clean and safe and warm and they have people available to talk to if you need them.
They also mostly have panic buttons which are linked to the local police stations so that all you need to do is press a single button and the police would be urgently called to your address.

Most of the women living in these refuges are just like you.. women that are scared about what refuges are like and women that simply want their children and themselves to be safe and healthy.

Please do think about this as a serious option xx