Getting Over Emotional Abuse...

I just recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted one year. For the last few months of the relationship I kept wishing uncontrollably that I could just get out and be free. I felt like I never wanted to be in another relationship ever again. The breakup was horrible and traumatic. He wouldn't let me leave that night until adults intervened. He ended up in a mental hospital.

I am finding that my problems now are a lot different than what most people face after getting out of an abusive relationship. I have no desire to be back with my ex. He disgusts me and I am terrified at the thought of ever seeing him again. I am going to a therapist soon and am finding that I have a hard time remembering specific things that my ex would do. It's like everything has been blocked out. I know how he made me feel and I still catch myself feeling like that often- useless, annoying, slutty... etc. Now, I am starting to believe those things more than ever.

My biggest concern is that I feel utterly alone. Now I feel desperate to find someone to love me. I feel useless and annoying and even ugly because I have no one in my life. At the same time though, I feel as if I will never be able to be in a relationship. As much as I crave one, the thought of it brings me to tears. I am so torn in so many directions now.

Another thing I have noticed is that I am very angry with my family. I am still fairly confrontation-avoiding with my friends (it's just my personality, I'm rarely anything but laid back) but I get so offended and mad with my family members so quickly. I'm 17 years old so I still live at home.

The last thing that has been bothering me for my entire life is my inability to show affection, and now it is worse than ever. I hate being touched or hugged or anything. The thought makes me feel gross and nervous.

I just feel so completely useless and angry and sad and all kinds of things at the same time. I have anger towards my ex but at the same time I don't. I feel like it was my fault or that there was no abuse at all because I can't remember any specific instances. Even now as I'm writing this I feel like I'm being dramatic. The only reason I continue to believe that it was abuse is because my mother and friends all tell me that what they witnessed was emotional abuse.

Just wondering if anyone else experienced this. I'm trying to make sense of it all. It's been a few weeks and I still feel like a different person than I ever have been... not in a good way.

As far as any "abuse" what did he say or do? You say your friends and family tell you it was but you don't think so. Maybe give some examples?

I think different people have different tolerance levels so it would help you to come to terms with whats happened if you can see it as abusive and a good thing you are away from it. If you didn't think there was any abuse then perhaps you're angry at your family for interference.

You are 17 so your family will want to intervene quickly. It may seem unnecessary or unfair but at least that shows they may care.

Have a think about why you don't like physical affection and don't be hard on yourself for anything you think or feel. Understanding, acceptance and awareness are better for you than being harsh on yourself. There's enough people in the world to be harsh on you without you being it to yourself.