Losing my temper is costing me my family

Recently I have found that I am very booked verbally and emotionally abusive to my wife. When we argue if I can't win the argument I just start yelling louder and being more mean. I never meant to hurt her never actually realized I was doing it until recently and I fear it's too late. We got into a big argument last Saturday after it was done she asked me to leave so she could have space. I told her I couldn't just leave for work reasons and didn't want to leave her with the kids she slept on it and said that I could stay as long as I traveled during the week for my job and was only home Thursday to Sunday. She has been nothing but loving caring and supporting of me and our 14 years of marriage and I don't want that to go away. I can't begin to understand the hurt she feels and I just want to make her feel like she can trust me again because I want to change. We have recently made an appointment to see a marriage counselor it's not till next week. I'm weak and need her help I need help in general don't feel like I can do this without her help. She tells me she's got nothing left to give me she's put a brick wall up around her heart and barely looks at me when I am at home. I realize I have a problem and want to change like I said I do need her help I need to help myself get rid of this monster inside of me. What steps can we do together or separately that will help this process along I want to be the husband and father I know I can be.
I realize where I got these actions from my father was this way towards my mother and I saw all growing up. I remember my mother telling us that this is a learned behavior and we didn't need to learn us and to please not treat our wives this way but didn't take it to heart or didn't listen. I want to heal but need the affection of my wife whether it's holding me hugging me and holding my hand I need her with me and our support. Change is not easy and it's not immediate but I do feel I can change please help whatever advice you can give I truly want to fix the problem lies deep inside of me. My wife and kids mean the world to me I don't want to lose them.
Thank you and I look forward to any response let me help God bless

If you didn't sound so ready to fix this then you could be my husband. I don't know what to tell you really. Trust is earned. If you want to fix the relationship then go learn how to do relationships the right way and be respectful instead of having to control the conversations, and everything else. She has a right to walk away if she wants to. She always will, and you have to acknowledge that in order to truly appreciate the fact that she stays (or allows you to stay). Love is a gift, and it cannot be demanded.
Talk honestly.
Good luck to you. I hope you can fix it.