I can't leave him for good

I've been on and off with this guy for three years. I was a freshman in high school when we started dating and at that time, he was really possessive and had a drinking problem. Stupid me got back with him again a few months ago. He said he wanted to quit drinking and I really thought he was going to get better. I always wanted to bring out his potential and save him, see him stop messing up his life and when it seemed like it was actually going to happen, I immediately went back out with him. I have a lot going for me, I'm going to college to become a nurse and just got a full-time job, I shouldn't be dealing with his $#%^. I thought he was actually going to change this time and I feel like a fool for believe that. He lives in his own house (family member bought it for him, he just has to pay taxes on it) and he rarely gets drunk anymore but still drinks a couple beers every night. Every time we break up he always goes lower in his problems so if I leave him again, and leave him for good, I know I can't stick around and watch him mess up his life.

Over the summer he sent me a text saying "i knew it would be easy for you, watch your tire" and a few days later my tire was slashed, Plus, the day my tire was slashed he stopped over my house, and his car was parked right behind mine across the street. We were fighting and on the verge of break up and he was mad because I became really apathetic about it. So I was going to fight him at court. He needed to know that he can't just do whatever he wants to people when he's mad, so I thought in a weird way, it would teach him a lesson. He rarely takes responsibility for his actions. He paid me back for the tire (still didn't admit to doing it) but didn't show up to court where we had to go so I could tell the judge I'm dropping the charge and he ended up going to jail. What's worse is that I kept reminding him he had to go and called him the morning of and told him. He hung up on me and didn't show up and now he's blaming me for going to jail and his family is acting like it's something I put him through.

I take the blame for calling the cops and bringing him to court over a slashed tire, but he didn't show up to court! I only did what any person would do if someone threatened to slash their tire then discovered a slashed tire on their car. He shouldn't have said "watch your tire" anyways. It was immature.

Now this time, I stayed over at his house and he snooped through my phone when I was sleeping, found I was talking to some guy during our break up and he threw my phone across the room and broke it. He said he's going to pay me back for it but he keeps blaming me saying "if you just deleted those messages I would have never gotten mad and thrown your phone!"

I can't stick around anymore and wait for him to change. I have too much ahead of me. I want to leave him for good but I know if I do, I'm going to feel regretful for a long time like I did all the other times and I'm probably going to go back to him. It really sucks. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm so mad that he costed me $99. That's how much it cost to replace my phone! Yeah, he cut down on drinking but it seems like he's more of an asshole than ever, especially since I'm busy with my full time job, college plus my volunteer job, now I don't have as much time for him as I used to. He used to complain about me talking about college too much, now it's worse for him cause I'm in college. I feel so foolish for going back to him. I wish I just blocked his number a long time ago.

Can I ask how old this guy is? It doesn't really matter, but it would fit the bill if he was doing this to a girl significantly younger than himself.

I find one of the best exercises is to attempt to view the situation from an outside perspective. Read your story as if someone else had told you this. What advice would you have for them? What would you do in their shoes?

From my experience, you would do well to find somewhere you know you would be safe. A family member or a friend. Get a restraining order. Go no contact. Protect yourself from further manipulation and abuse. You are not responsible for this other person. You deserve better.

Ashlar wrote:Can I ask how old this guy is? It doesn't really matter, but it would fit the bill if he was doing this to a girl significantly younger than himself.

I find one of the best exercises is to attempt to view the situation from an outside perspective. Read your story as if someone else had told you this. What advice would you have for them? What would you do in their shoes?

From my experience, you would do well to find somewhere you know you would be safe. A family member or a friend. Get a restraining order. Go no contact. Protect yourself from further manipulation and abuse. You are not responsible for this other person. You deserve better.

He's three and a half years older than me to be exact. He just turned 18 when we started dating, and I was 14. I tell myself I'm not responsible for his actions and I try to confide in family or friends, but unfortunately I don't have a lot of them. I try to tell myself I deserve better but I kind of trap myself in this relationship because he shows tons and tons of affection I never got from anyone else, and I always start to feel like nobody else will really love me as much as he does once the abuse and manipulation is over, then he starts to portray this prince charming type behavior. If I want to go no contact with him, I'll have to block his number for good and resist talking to him. If I don't talk to him, he always comes to me.