I need to vent.

this probably wont make any sense to anyone but i hope someone can read and understand it.

my dad told me yesterday i was too ######6 stupid to move out. that my brother who raped me was more respectful and better than me. he takes his side and never talks about the criminal and evil things he does (my brother admitted to being a psychopath that "no one wants to cross") my brothers girlfriend was obviously a victim of him and posted about how he never saw his son and it was evident, as he said multiple times on her wall "cant see him today" and she said "wish you could come home (her son) really wants to see you" and she spoke about how he should pay child support when they broke up (her decision) and such and how he stole and used her credit cards. MY dads opinion: Look at your brother. He's going through more than you are. He loves his son and that crazy bitch is trying to get him in trouble. Psycho bitch she makes up stuff saying he needs to pay child support when he doesnt need to or have to. She won't leave him alone. And whenn you think bad about him and talk about how bad he is, it hurts him so badly. He loves his son and hes changed." everyone just praises my brother. even though he posts evil and mean things to everyone all the time. i overdosed because i knew everyone wouldnt trust me or believe me when i was in genuine emotional pain ever again. (this happened in march of this year). i have problems with lying, and manipulating, and attnetion seeking yes, (to be honest the lying and manipulating is a shield, a fake ego type thing to protect me) but i also feel genuine emotional trauma and pain and none of this is a lie or attention seeking and i dont care if anhyone thinks it is anymroe i just wish someone would read it other than my brain because i cant talk to my therapist about it. i dont care if anyone responds kindly i just need to vent because the past 2 days ive been confused about everything and lying about everrything and sabotaging my own personality and good name around people. i dont know why i do this why i make myself look like a really bad person for some reason i dont know why at all i guess it ssome form of self loathing i have no idea its just something i do i tell people i dont feel guilt and im evil and that iim basiclly just heartless when im really not. its probably protection. from getting hurt emotionally. i think i may have dissociative identity disorder NOT looking for diagnosis but im not saying i do. i do feel like i have more than one personality and sometimes i pretend im physically outward someone else and cant relate to the person in the mirror most commmonly im a blonde girl i dont know where i got her picture from i always used her. im sorry my grammar and spelling and everything is messy and sounds stupid im just trying to write this quickly before i take my meds and go to bed because i need to sleep. i was convinced i had DID for a while and i thought i had alters but idk i studied it more and it didnt fit.

That was a good rant. Could your dad be any more in denial! That's so hard to deal with, day to day. Makes sense that it would be triggering all kinds of stressful feelings and behaviour for you. Whatever your Dx, it's a fact that things suck at the moment.

I didn't understand why you can't talk to your therapist, though? I think I missed something there.

Give yourself a break, you've been through a lot of $#%^. How old are you? Is it possible for you to move out, and put some distance between yourself and your dad and brother? Sometimes this seems impossible but there is help out there. Apply for public housing and food stamps if you're 18 or over. I think you need to get out of that environment and duck your dad saying you can't that you're totally reliant because you're not and you can.