Is this abuse or normal for a teenager?

I'm sorry it's long, but I feel I need to give this much detail to really get my thoughts across. On top of that, I'm venting...

My mother and I have never gotten along for as long as I can remember. No matter how hard I try to live up to her expectations or how hard I try to respect her, we can never have a single conversation that doesn't result in tears. She screams at me, cuts down my goals and ambitions, flat out tells or implies to me that I'm stupid, says that I'm not good enough, ignores my opinions, critically judges me and my friends, swears that I will never amount to anything in life, assures me that I don't matter, and constantly puts me down for not being more like my sister. When we're chatting with other people she's often deliberately cuts me off and force me out of the group. Most of the time this is entirely uncalled for and out of the blue. I don't know why, but she is -always- angry at me, and simple things like leaving my books out on a table while I go to sharpen a pencil almost always merit some sort of yelling. Sometimes, when things get out of hand or she's had a bad day, she'll hit or slap me. When I do get a rare apology, it's only when other people were around. I'm afraid to be near her, and usually spend my time holed up in my room or out with friends.

Ever since it started in third grade, I've been attempting to cope by "leaning" on other people. I was alright for a while, but when my best friend moved away the next semester, things began to fall apart. The four years after that were the most miserable times of my life. Without having any way to escape, I felt the effects she had on me sink in... I was extremely depressed (scoring at least 95% on every test done on me), I couldn't eat much, I went from the biggest talker to the quiet girl in the corner, and I became somewhat narcissistic. I never left my room, and I spent at least an hour a day sobbing in my closet. Things became so severe that seriously considered suicide, to the degree that I couldn't be alone beside a pool or lake without having the powerful urge to shove myself into the water and not come back up. It was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced...

Fortunately, before I got the nerve to go that far, I found another muse. I "met" him by chance on a gaming forum, and we chatted on AIM afterwards. The guy seriously believed me when I told him how I felt, and didn't dismiss it as teenage angst as everyone else did. I know how dangerous it is to get personal with people online, but I couldn't refuse the help... He worked me through my hard times, and he never even learned my real first name. To this day I honestly believe he saved my life.

I don't talk to him anymore, but after meeting him I had restored confidence. I got a social life and "put myself out there", staying well out of my mothers's way. For now things are "fine", at least as far as everyone else sees. But I'm breaking. I can't even sit throught a talk about role models in Health class without crying. People always discuss about how much their parents mean to them, and how much their parents love them, and I just lose control. I've never felt like I've had someone like that in my life. I want someone who I love and loves me back. I want someone to encourage me to be strong and help me achieve my dreams. I want someone I can look up to and respect. I want someone who cares about me beyond the next school year and I want someone I can depend on. I'm just a stupid, emotional, selfish kid, and I want a mom. But when I look to my mother there's nothing but hate and tears...

I'm probably just blowing things out of proportion. After all, I am just an angsty, dense, know-it-all teenager. I just need to find out if I'm putting myself through all of this, or if something else is involved.

Hey Vea,
I'm really glad that you decided to post. Hon, you are NOT overreacting and you are NOT just being an an "angsty, dense, know-it-all teenager." I hate it when people undermine the problems of us teenagers, just because of our age.
I'm so sorry that you've gone through so much pain because of your mother. You don't deserve to be treated this way- it's not normal and it's not okay, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I have a question: do you live with your father, as well? If so, do you have an okay relationship with him?
You shouldn't feel bad about "leaning" on people. You've gone through a lot, and it's only natural for you to want to seek out help. I urge you to keep doing this, talking to people that you find supportive... Do you have an siblings that you can talk about this with? Or any adults in your life that you trust?
I hope that things get better for you, hon. You're in my thoughts and prayers...
Take care, pm me if u ever need to talk.
<3
drama_queen

That is verbal abuse hon, putting you down telling you that you are not good enough... telling you that you are stupid, all abuse.

I'm sorry.

I think everyone agrees that it is abuse, and it is. It might not be physical abuse but it still is mental,emotional, verbal abuse.
The thing is that this verbal, mental, emotion abuse can lead to physical abuse. Which since she has hit you some times; i would call that a start of physical abuse.
CARDV did a presentation in my health class they talked mostly about violence, and abuse i thought they were very good and educational they gave us a toll free phone number to call if we wanted to talk i lost the number thought, woops.
Any way heres there website
http://www.cardv.peak.org/
They have a bunch of diffrent phone numbers under services that you can call.

I would follow Drama_queens advice and look into living more with a father or sibling and talking to some one. Trust me when i say she knows what shes talking about.

I am sorry and i hope that things work out. Remember you are not stupid, and you can amount to something.