Living with guilt

I live with guilt and it consumes me.
Whenever I get the nerve up to, hang up the phone when my mom calls, or avoid her visits, I feel bad.
She comes over (I live alone) at times on her way home from a bar. She would get so drunk, she hardly can even stand. Yet she manages to find my place and pound on the door at 2am in the morning. I would feel bad if I left her outside because thoughts of "what if" come up. Im afarid of leaving her out there because anything could happen. So I open the door and she comes inside. She will look around my place and make rude comments on things I have (or dont have) and she will sit down (in the middle of the floor) and make comments about the temperature. She does that a lot and complains if it isnt right for her. Then most of the time she will get up and almost fall over, then start yelling. She will call me names and start to comment on my "lifestyle" I just stand there and take it. Last time she did it...really got to me. I told HER off back...and I feel guilty. I told her THIS IS MY PLACE im 22 YEARS OLD for gods sakes...if you dont want to be here, then leave and dont come over just ti yell at me!
And that pissed HER off and she started to yell at me more as she left. Then the next day I had phone messages telling me what an uncaring person I am, and how I should burn in hell, and how Im worth nothing and mean nothing to anything. Once ina while out of the blue I will have a message saying "its mommy call me back I miss you" So I give into her loving side only to be crushed. She wont pick up or she will and then ask "what do YOU want" so I call just to say hi, and to return her call...but she forgets she called me, and then starts off again with the names and all.
If I just avoid her I feel guilty almost like I deserve her harsh words and emotional pain she puts on me. And its not just my mother but my sisters (2) as well as my "stepdad" and real father. You see, Im like the black sheep and sisters are golden. They get whatevere they want and if I call just to let them know Im still alive, I get $#%^ on. When ever my sisters do call, its just to brag about what they have, or what they got. My stepdad is very very abusive in his ways...cause he has a temper and also drinks. Its as if they all take there stuff out on me. And I cant take it anymore! Last time my stepdad bothered me I ended up with a blackeye and my mom telling me he didnt hit me hard enough...stood there and watched it happen, and said I deserved it.

Im so stuck and feel like such a coward to call the police.

What do I do to stop living in guilt?

You need to stop caring. Selective antisocial behavior if there even is such a thing.

If you cannot feel, then you cannot feel pain, guilt ect. If you can learn to ignore pain....you then can learn to use pain as a tool. A tool you can use to make those around you realize your not a toilet, nor a door mat. This isnt good advice...but your not stupid, you need to remove the negative harmful individuals from your life, even if it is family.

LHauger,
I am sorry to hear what's been happening with you. Really difficult to overcome something like that. Or even forget about it. Which your mother isn't making easy for you.
But I would like to understand why all of this started in the first place. Maybe that will help us find a constructive solution for your problem.
If you could answer a few questions..
When did your mother actually start acting like that towards you?
Why do you think your sisters are treated differently? Is it because of some of their professional achievements in life or something else?

There is no construtive solution. These people wont stop until you actully stop them. And from year's and year's of being told and treated like $#%^ odd's are LHauger has developed a complex. I say cut the fat off from the meat. That is my suggestion....though it might not be for everyone.

A psychiatrist will say the same thing. If you have any dependancy upon these people then the first step is to gain that independance. Then remove these people from your life. If you choose to have them around set some (personal) ground rules, things you wont tolerate. If you still cannot follow through and are over come with guilt. Then there are probably issues that need to be worked out with a professional before you can make any real progress.

Thanks to the both of you.
My mother has always been mean.
She has mental issues herself, and when I was 4 and 5 she was locked up in a mental ward. She yes she all better and nothing is wrong with her...but there has to be. Not only that but she is also an alcooholic which doesnt help, she is married to one too.
I think Im treated worse then my sisters because Im the youngest and always allowed it. They stopped letting iut happen to them when they moved out on their own, but I never did. It just getting worse and worse. Im not sure why they are treated better in the first place, but they always have been.

I know what needs to be done but I cant do it.
Its like Im living a life that has been created by my mother, who only wishes me pain and miseary. She doesnt like for me to be happy and always finds ways to tear me down.
Yes it does seems Im stuck...and im at my end here