Is this abuse? *repost, long post* *trigger warning*

This is just emotional abuse. Some "physical abuse" just very "light" abuse (harsh discipline). In case I didn't mention it Mom used to hit me with rulers (the flexible kind)
-Faith
*Trigger Warning for abuse*

Faith: I suppose part of this is just a denial post. xD
I have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) that is non diagnosed due to an idiotic therapist. I usually used to stay on that board but was looking on here for support. I am co-conscious with all of my alters.
I think my mom emotionally and physically (or at least used to) abuses me. I'm not sure, though I am sure something's wrong.
We (our DID system) reported our mother to someone who reported her to SS but they did nothing and the worker we got even told my mother I used to rubberband and I had even had showed the worker the bruise I got from it. I did not see this as a something needed to be told to my mom, since the bruise is barely noticeable and besides the fact that it hasn't gone away it had no value aside from the fact I did it to avoid cutting. This I did not tell the worker, of course.
The only good thing that came from telling
I have anorexia sometimes as a result of the "abuse" from my parents and have even gone as far as not eating when I'm out, so Shadow's been eating for us lately.
One of my alters, Ivory (she is 11), has panic attacks so bad she'll be shaking almost uncontrollably and a few tears will fall out of our eyes. She'll imagine (well, not exactly, but it'll be like a semi-flashback) that my mom's whipping her with the belt and calling her bad and a demon (we told my parents about the rest of us but they thought we were demons).


So, this is all the stuff my parents do:

Something I (Shadow) wrote:
Your dad threatened to "slap the cr@p out of you" if you didn't stop being so rude when you were rushing and later on said, "You better not make me whip you with the belt" and Ivory started crying (on the inside) and said that she didn't want him to touch her.
If you, even just a part of you, is that scared of your parents, then something is wrong.
I don't care if Ivory only remembers everything bad, if that's enough to hurt her that badly, so badly she wants to self-harm, then something is wrong.
Your mother is vile. She laughed about threatening to kick you out and remarks she made about running away, to a friend on the phone. She acts happy out in public. But she doesn't like her husband. Talks about how much she wants to pack up our stuff, whining her @ss off. The funny thing is, is that we should be doing that! We should be leaving! We should be running away and making our lives f*cking better! She sneered at you once as she was telling you to stop smirking because it was getting on her nerves, and "do you think this is funny?"
No. It's not. She needs to stop acting like she can get away with all this sh*t and expect you to be fine with it! But she's playing on how weak you are, whether she knows it or not. She knows you don't know, can't tell. In public and sometimes at home, she tells you to stop whining and acting like a baby and to grow up, playing on just that! She's manipulating you into thinking you're a baby and you need to grow up when your sooo equipped to handle everything, at least with you just being DID!

Some other things Faith wrote (warning, this is long)
Stuff Faith's mom does:
She keeps talking about how she's going to have a heart attack one day. And how she wishes she could take a break. And how she'll only get rest in heaven. And about how I play with too much technology and how that's messing up my brain and my eyes and, "do you want to mess up your eyesight anymore", and "you need to pray about being addicted to that Vocaloid stuff" like it's the devil's music or something.
"you must I'm worth nothing. You work me so much" (a few months ago) "you don't deserve to have privacy. You're just a kid. I can look through your stuff anytime I want to. Only adults deserve to get privacy." She's also been, though she doesn't realize it, making me submissive. I don't think she realizes it, but when she's on the phone, she tells me to not to talk to her or I'll get slapped, and I think she has a few times. I've learned not to talk back or stand up for myself or I'll get slapped. But then she wonders why I'm so submissive and never stand up for myself.
I just feel as if she always blames me for things that are my fault, but goes around it the wrong way.
And she's talking about how she's hurt by me. I always apologize, but she never notices I'm sorry about upsetting her or making her sad in the first place, because I always say, "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings" and then she says it's ok but she doesn't act like it is, then makes me feel guilty about what I did when she's already forgiven me.
So I think that might be guilt tripping.


This is a list of all the stuff she's done/said before:

"Because I said so."
"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

And then, I think she gaslights. She'll say something and then deny she said it when I know she did and she'll say I just imagined it.

Before we left for church one time:
I got my hair wet in the shower, was a bit slow "lazy" and she said that it was going to be my fault we were late. Then I had something on my face and told me to wipe it off. I had told her I already wiped my face and she said "now you make me look like I'm lying" and she looked so sad I broke down in tears and two seconds later she's asking me why I'm crying because there's no reason to.

"Faith you almost sent me to jail!" "Do you know what happens after something like this? They would've taken you away from us or I would've been sent to jail!" "Do you want to be in a foster home!" "Are you afraid of me or something? Faith, I would never hurt you. When I say something I don't mean it." "Faith, I told you never to say what goes on in our house!" "Now all the parents might think I'm a bad mother or that I abuse my child or something!" "How can people on TV say that kind of stuff, but when I say it, it's wrong."
*jokingly but resentfully? Really odd tone anyways...* "So, what did you tell that SS worker? That I spank you and that I threaten to knock you upside the head or something!"

My mom has:
1. Threatened to hit me with: Arie's cane (wielding), a textbook, a broom (wielding), and a belt, all on seperate occasssions, of course.
2. Has threatened to: "wring my neck out", "jack me up" in public and at home, beat me with a belt ("and I won't stop!" and no, I don't care if you call the police because jail will be more peaceful than here!)
3.Said:"you need to et a CAT scan","you're stupid", "grow up", and "stop acting like such a baby" (like when I've been crying),"I'll give you something to cry about!" (After she's beat me with the belt a couple of times)
4. She's hit me with her hand, a belt, and a flyswatter.
5. Mom's also said I: "need to get a brain", "need to stop being so dumb", and "remember stuff more"
6. She's hit me: on the back of my neck (hand), on my buttocks (hand, belt, flyswatter), on my back, legs, back of my arms and hands (belt)
7. I was at the mirror and I was putting some lotion on my face and I was having trouble seeing (my glasses were off) so Mom comes up, says I'm being too slow, and she grabs the sides of my neck with her hand (like below where it connects to your ear) and shoves me toward the mirror. It almost felt like she was choking me.
8. She's also called me a disappointment.
9. She's said that I'm ignorant and I need to pay more attention to my surroundings, and that I need to focus more on beauty and how I look. When I do, she says I'm getting to caught up in all that beauty stuff, like when I want to wear makeup.
10. She doesn't even let me do anything like shampoo my hair because she's usually rushing and she never has the time to teach me.
11. She slaps me and one time I talked back to her and she yanked me by the collar of my shirt, and, spitting in my face, told me to "never talk to back to her again"
12. When I'm upset she'll tell me to stop acting.
13. Whenever we see something on TV about some person going around shooting up a bunch of people, she points at the person and is all like, "see? if you wanna be crazy, that's what you're gonna be like." (which really hurts my feelings).
14. I'm terrified of my mom.

She one time threatened to "wring my neck out" if I continued to smirk (I was nervous), then I was standing and looking out the window (back to her) and she saw that I was still smirking and the mom slapped me on the neck like 5 times.

The problem is, she doesn't think she's wrong. She always says that I hurt her so much, and the stuff about how she's going to have a heart attack.
I always blame myself for everything when she's away, then when I look sad she says I have no reason to. If I told her about anything I felt, she'd say I was acting, or that she just didn't get it.

That's all for now. Thanks to all who reply.
-Shadow

Hi Desiria,
I am so sorry your mother treats you that way. she is abusive, and the problem is that the abuse seems to be constant and this is taking a toll in your personality, your emotional state, your mind, all your life....I wonder if you have a relative or someone with whom you could live until you are old enough to have your own place.

This atmosphere is not good to you. The DID could be the result of growing up with an abusive parent. I wish you well!!

Thank you for the reply! We also made a post on the child abuse forum with more views but no replies. Anyway, there's no one we can stay with (I have a grown cousin a few cities away, 20 minutes by car) but I can't stay with her.

I think the DID may be a result of me being born born early and having to stay in the hospital for 2 1/2 months and the abuse.

-Faith

[quote="Desiria"] HI, I think is good that you look for causes to understand how you function today.
I do not know about your birth and the effect on your personality, it could be.

I grew up in a difficult environment, my dad was an alcoholic for 15 years before he stopped.
I am already 51 and until I realize that under extreme tension I disassociate, and for everyday functioning I depersonalize.
I think that some kids are less strong than others, I had my issues and then adding the context it make it worst. I talk to one of my sisters, and she does not want to know anything about it,...people are afraid to be confronted with their own columns....where their life is built.

I told her, if you don't have problems to function, you do not have to worry about it....in my adult life I began having problems, now, I tried to work and be creative around my limitations, I try to bring down my life rhythm, to give myself time to ground myself and not run from one thing to the next. relationships are a problem,...well they do not exist...so there are issues, but I try to take one at a time.

it is very difficult to see what you are going through with other eyes. to do that you need to be at a distance. For me is easy because, not only years, but also the family environment changed for the best all of a sudden.

you disassociate to take some distance from what goes on at home. It is your survival kit! use it well and not against yourself, because it will pass and you will have the chance to built your own life.!!