Trying to recover from online bullying

I have been a victim of cyberbullying. Just wondering if anyone has a similar experience and are there some things I could do to feel better? I have a history of depression, social phobia etc and I just got out from an unhealthy online relationship (or whatever you call it. It was extremely unhealthy and destructive).

I talked to this person online on and off for about 2 years. He was mean and verbally abusive but for some reason I always went back to him. Huge mistake. He called me fat, ugly and disheveled; told me that I'm stupid and have an IQ of a retard; called me things like slut, whore etc. He said he would come over to my place and kill me. (I didn't take that seriously because he lives in another country. I should have just stopped talking to him sooner.)

Despite of finding me so disgusting and repulsive, he considered me as his girlfriend.

Earlier this year he hacked my Facebook account, found out that I had been dating my coworker and started blackmailing me. I had been naive enough to send him some... err... intimate pics of myself. My stalker threatened to send those pics to everyone I know if I don't explain what I've been doing with my coworker. I told this stalker to leave me alone, blocked him, deleted my email account and got a new one.

The rest is history. The stalker flipped and started bombarding my friends, coworkers and family members with nasty messages and my pictures. We had to contact the police to make him stop. The police here couldn't do much anything because the bully lives in another country, but they contacted the police in the place where he lives and I guess that worked because we haven't heard about the stalker for a little while.

I think it's over know. I am still feeling extremely depressed because of what happened and struggling with guilt and shame. Everyone is telling me that it wasn't my fault but I feel that I am to blame. I started talking to him and was stupid enough to send him some nudes so I kind of enabled it. Not sure how to get rid of this feeling. Feel so drained and humiliated.

Thanks for reading. Don't make the mistake I did: don't trust ANYONE you meet online!!!

Hun, none of this was your fault. Verbal and emotional bullies who work online use exactly the same tactics of control that offline bullies use. The fault lies in this person, and not in you. Thankfully you didn't get to meet him in 3D and you're safe. Perhaps because you met him online, it was easier for him to create a certain type of persona to lure you in.

Bit by bit, as time goes by, you can rebuild your self esteem. Therapy can help you to make sense of all the feelings you may be going through right now. These feelings are a NORMAL reaction to a very distressing situation - one that you had no control over. This person is a total creep, and it's likely that he acts in this way towards everyone he comes into contact with.

An old quote is more relevant now than when it originated, "Give a man a mask and he'll tell you the truth." - Oscar Wilde.

Online we see this a lot. Unfortunately, we're so accustomed to be lied to in person that often the truth is like a baseball bat to the head. The term 'polite society' means in order to not offend anyone we lie readily to each other when standing in close proximity. Online this doesn't apply so you get poeple blurting things out they'd never say in person. Often enough this results in complete disregard for other people's feelings. In person we see the hurt on a person's face our words may inflict, but online we don't. For the drges of society, the internet has given them a mask to conceal themselves and from time to time they deliberately say and do things virtually because they're too cowardly to do them in real life. Try to remember that people who intentionally say and do things to cause another person emotional distress have been hurt themselves in their lives. They're open wounds emotionally and thus lash out like a wounded animal will (we are animals afterall.)

Despite personals ads claiming the contrary, people seek and desire drama. It's why 'reality shows' are so popular. No one would watch a tv show where everybody gets along, treats one another with respect and dignity, and calmly and rationally discusses things. Storytelling requires a good guy, a bad guy, and witnesses. The cast of every MTV "Real World" is this principle in action and why every cast is so dysfunctional - they're dysfunctional by design. They mix personality types the producers know full-well are going to melt down and get violent. Otherwise it'd be a show akin to watching people riding an elevator.

Online then, the people who bully and troll are the "Pucks" of the virtual world (sigh, yes, I used to watch (hangs head in shame)) But remember that though you may become their victim, if you give them continued acknowledgement, you only give them continued confirmation they're attempt to wound was successful. At the first sign of such behaviour cut people off. Not familar with Facebook, but it's appears in tv shows often enough I"m fairly conversant - unfriend, ignore, and thereby steal abusive people's power. Can't bully people who refuse to acknowledge you.

Thank you for your responses and kind words. I am relieved that I got rid of that person, even though it happened in such an unpleasant way (I am talking about him sending my pictures to people). On the other hand, I feel that he's still affecting my life: the way I see myself and other people. I feel ugly. I feel humiliated. I also think that I leant some unpleasant behavioral batterns from him... I have become more demanding. It is hard for me to interact with people. When my boyfriend says something that I don't like, I bring it up even weeks later and start senseless arguments. I don't think I was jealous when I was younger, but now I am jealous even if I know that there's no reason. I used to be an understanding person when I was younger... now it seems that it's hard for me to feel empathy towards others.

Is it possible to develop some kind of PTSD from this sort of bullying? After all, it went on for 2-3 years.