Reality check: I am an abuser

Well this is the last place i thought i would ever post. Im not the type to admit that i am an utter failure. Although it seems a bit obvious. I promised i would never get physical and never stoop to the low insults. I guess it was like one of those childish thing, "if she does it ill show her how it feels too" i didnt want revenge but she always got her revenge . I gained the wrong habits and learned how to get even. I emulate her bad behavior. I am physical sometimes (i wont hit or beat) and i say the worst thing i can just to do it. She claims that she has her bad habits of her previous relationship(9years ago). Anyway its not her fault, its mine. I promised myself i would never turn into that kind of person and that i would leave her before i turned into that. My question is, how do you start to be yourself and not a self absorbed demon that explodes when pushed. Anyone here turn aggressive after a few years of abuse? I wish she wouldve chabged because i love her, but it seems the end could be near, she always says the same things that hurt soo much and when we make up a few days later she says the same things.... it is breaking me down, if i leave her like she says she wants is it the right thing? Sometimes she says she wants to be with me forever but the one thbg that hurts me the most is her saying just about everytime we fight "just give me what ive wanted all these years a divorce"

Is it possible for you to go to therapy, or to attend a program of some kind in your area? I say this because the factors that have caused you to become an abuser will be very deep rooted, beginning in your past and your childhood. You will have learnt these ways as a response to the events in your past, and it's important that you look deep within yourself in order to combat them.

Taking responsibility is the first step. Please seek help for this.

I didnt think anyone was going to answer. I realize i need therapy. Its kind of crazy how people point the finger . I came here for a reason thats because mostly everyone thinks that i am an asshole, some of this is my doing but it also. Why do people judge us when it only seals the deal in a sense. It would be better for me to turn the other cheek i suppose. But it seems very deep inside of me, i can think of two people i hold dearly that have said things and done things that i let change me.

I'm in the same boat. I told my wife i would never do any of the things i have done to her. At the time i didn't know i was doing it. i thought we had a happy marriage untill 2 weeks ago when we started counseling. I have made a promise to myself to end it now and to help my kids to unlearn what i have tought them. Hang in there and beat it. I can't tell you from experience yet but i know in my heart that life will be better if you do.