Verbal Abuse from my husband about my weight...

Angel,

You are right Angel. She should tell him "Hey, when you say mean, hateful things to me, it hurts." And you know what the reply will be from a VA?? "Don't be so sensitive, I was just joking." They turn everything around and try to make you think it's not what it appears. They do get what they are doing and they DON'T care! After two years of being called fat everytime he got mad, all I did was laugh at him. I told him the sting had worn off of that word - if that was all he could come up with he might as well stop. And he did but he just moved on to the next thing that would upset me.

If I understand correctly from your posts, you have never been on the losing end of verbal abuse. You have never felt the pain and anguish of the hateful words coming from the man whom you love and cherish and is supposed to love and cherish you. VA's do not think and act like "normal" (whatever that may be) men. They are manipulative and flat out mean. You can tell them what they say hurts until you are blue in the face but as long as you show that it does hurt, they will continue to use it. Once that doesn't work anymore, they will try to find something else.

These type of men have to either seek treatment or a divorce attorney. Mine chose an attorney. I will not be treated like a second class citizen in my own home anymore. I will feel good about myself and I will enjoy my life - with or without him.

I guess what momof4yearold is stating here makes sense when all else fails. Meaning when communication brings no results, when counseling doesn't go anywhere and when the Verbal Abuse continues then yes, she should just say "see ya" because No one deserves to be put down and made to feel like crap.

I witnessed verbal abuse growing up. My father used to always make rude comments especially "fat" comments about my mother. He knew how it made her feel. She despised going public with him because he would always say those comments in front of people too.

He never stopped, even when everything else was fine, my father's verbal abuse was always in a joking manner. He would say the comments followed by lots of laughing. Of course he was always laughing alone. Until.......
Things didn't register with him until us children became adults and stood up against him and told him "don't treat our mother like that" because, in my opinion, she never really was assertive in telling him to stop.

But I know that it would have been devastating if they got a divorce. I am just a person who believes that divorce should be the last option when nothing else works.

I recently found out from an old boyfriend that the reason he ended our seven-year relationship was because I did not lose weight. He did not abuse me about it. He never really communicated to me that it was a problem for him. He said that the chemistry disappeared when I got heavy. He couldn't love me because of my outside.

In this conversation, I offered to him my belief that it should not matter what is on the outside of a person. A person loves someone because of what is on the inside. He totally approved of my inside person, maybe even loved that part of me, but gave all of that up to look for someone who is better looking on the outside.

I had been miserable over the last two years since he left because I was wracking my brain to figure out what I had done wrong. Why wasn't I lovable? I am actually happier now about our break up. I am glad now that we are not together. Yes, I did gain the weight, but that should not have mattered. I found out something about him that I never knew before. I never thought of him as being superficial, but now I know that he is. I do not want to be with someone who is impressed by a pretty body.

If anyone is in a relationship in which someone verbally abuses the other about their appearance, he or she is not loving the real person. He/she is distracted. I believe that the hardest task for improving the situation is in getting the abuser to want to change. Changing shouldn't be too hard with professional help, but the willingness to change is up to the individual.

I think that the first course of action should be to try to correct the situation with counseling/communication. As a last resort, divorce might be the answer. I do not advocate divorce, but it is better to divorce sooner rather than later. If it seems hopeless, do not endure it out of a sense of obligation. I stayed married for 19 years. I knew it was a mistake after only a few years, and before we had children. I ended up having four children before I got divorced. I could have spared them their messed up lives if I had divorced when I first knew that I had made a mistake. I could have spared myself the mental health problems that I have now if I had divorced earlier.

Good Luck