Mothers who emotionally abuse their sons

Hi, I've been lurking on this forum for years, and even posted a few times in the past. This site seems to be the go-to place for mental issues, so I figure I'll get some good responses here.

I want to know how common mother-on-son emotional abuse is.

I was, and still am, a victim of emotional abuse from my mother, who I'm certain has some form of undiagnosed mental disorder. I have to leave for work very shortly, so I can't go into as much detail as I'd like. To sum everything up, my mother has had freak-outs and breakdowns as long as I can remember. Even when I was a little kid, I was subjected to these. The trigger could be anything, from something my father did or said to something I did or said to a bad phone conversation with her own mother. She has a lot of issues with her mother, actually. From what I understand, mental illness has ran down the female side of that family at least as far back as my grandmother's grandmother. Grandma's grandma was abusive to grandma, grandma's mom abandoned her kids at a bus stop, grandma tried to kill herself at least 3 times, my mother has her freakouts, and my sister is beginning to display these tendencies to freak out too. 5 generations of this.

I've trawled the internet and talked to people, and it appears that the idea of a mother being emotionally abusive to her son is unfathomable. When it comes to sons, motherhood=sainthood. Mom can do absolutely no wrong, and any son who has a problem with their mother is bound by the sacred code to be an ungrateful woman-hating abusive piece of scum unworthy of love who will mistreat any and every woman ever. Mothers apparently always know what's good for their sons. So apparently all the times I was forced to witness my mother's breakdowns over my grandma, that was for my own good. When my mother screamed at me and called me a baby for wetting the bed, then forced me to wear diapers when I was 7 years old, that was for my own good too. When she screamed at me and called me selfish when I tried to talk to her about feeling suicidal, that was for my own good. When she comes barging into my room on my only day off of work and goes into a half-hour long screaming rage fit at me for not doing the dishes, it's for my own good. Mother always knows best!

I notice it's socially acceptable for women to hate their fathers, and even for women to base an entire hatred of the whole male gender based on a poor relationship with their father. Women can hate their abusive father, but a man can't hate his abusive mother? WTF? I don't get it.

It's extremely hard to seek out support groups for men with mother issues. Most Google searches direct me to groups for women who have problems with their mothers. There's all these support groups for women, but pretty much nothing for men. Are men not allowed to be victims of abuse? Society at large seems to think so. Most people I try to talk to about this seem to disregard my complaints, tell me I'm an ungrateful $#%^ who should be lucky my mother loves me so much (remember: MOTHER KNOWS BEST), how can a man hate his mother, love her while I still have her, etc. It's like nobody understands this at all.

Please tell me I'm not alone here.

Hey hun,

You re NOT ALONE. Let me repeat that: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

THere is just a taboo. Man are supposed to be 'better with emotions' 'stronger' whatever that may be and very respectful to woman as the 'weaker sex'.

All of this is cliche and not the reality.

Mothers are people and people make mistakes, whether they raise boys or girls.
They can only raise kids based on how they were raised, and if they never dealt with issues they will more then probably repeat the toxic behaviour.

So no, it s NOT normal that she screams at you when you re reachin out for help with suicidal thoughts. Sht shoudl be listenin to you, show concern, and help you lookin for a solution.

No, she should not get outbursts on your behalf because she s overloaded.

You were a child, a little boy, you needed safety and a warm nest that should ve been provided by both parents; THat what you deserved and needed and were denied.

That s hard to go through. And I admire you for talkin about it, lookinf or it, tryin to break that taboo.

MOthers aren t perfect. Yes, motherhood is hard, mistakes are made, but they have to be made right again too.

Feel free to talk more if you need to. I m willin to offer a listenin ear if you found anythin I said made sense;

Love

Nina11

It makes me mad when people assume that all abusers are male and that all people who have undergone abuse are female. Of course there are abusive mothers and of course sons can be abused. I'm really sorry to hear what you've gone through. It sounds as if your mother's childhood experiences and her mother's experiences have created a cycle of abuse, none of which you deserved.

None of this was your fault, and you are a person of worth, value, and integrity. Have you ever spoken to a therapist to gain some kind of closure and find a sense of resolution?

My brother listen,YOU ARE NOT ALONE,I learned allot when I turned 38 let me feel you in.
I was 2 years old I was watched by 3 teenage girls every day during the week until I was 4,they liked to take my toy monkey and lay me on the bed after they had taken off my clothes ,played with my little fella so it would grow and then they would be undressed and sit right down on my mouth so I would have to use tougue to push things away to get air,so u see I think thats enough about that,when I was 38 years old I remembered when trying to help a girl out with her issues,you know little girl voice37 years old could not use bathroom anywhere but home,anyway driving truck it all came back in one huge hammer crush to my soul.
I had to pull 110000 lbs over cause I was crying! I composed myself and drove truck to yard,you know hey dude ,ya tuff day,and I bailed it was friday and by monday i realized that men and men in eugene oregon,had nowhere and I mean nowhere to go,I got oh wow had 3 teenagers when you were 2 stud!,oh you poor baby,I was ready to go start running over woman,however I remembered there mothers name so I looked them up,and I seen all three of them all sick health failing oxygen tanks and I walked right past them looked them in the eyes from about 50 feet and i realized they had nothing for me I understood they were around at a very "free love" time in history and made a very bad mistake, It was very hard to hold my tougue(no pun intended)but I did,and the kicker that came to me 2 weeks later when I introduced my girlfriend to my mother?and mind you I was 42 then,she grabbed my crotch right there infront of everyone.and thats when I realized and remember she had shown them how to play with me!,Ive never been back,I did not speak till 2nd grade they said I was retarted,and I got to say I never did find anyone that understood how intamacy,smells,tastes all of it caused my impotence for about a year,hard to get errect when your very love reminds you of such a horrible event,any way YOU ARE NOT ALONE,only fact I have heard is that they now think that female abusing males is way higher than thought allot higher,just boys wont say anything cause they are to scared and men as they grow are affraid of being called wimp and being demasculated because of it,dont figure.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and I will say this 3 years have passed and I dont hate my mom or my dad,he was an alcholic and my mom was drunk eating valume drug of choice then I was left to play in street in nothing or diaper,untill the girls came took my monkey,nope I hear you,I understand and I feel for you,hang in there and eventually try to just let it go or it will eat you alive,goodluck.
Cameron

This post is old I know. I found it during an internet search. I am a mother. I recently was informed by my husband he felt he was being emotionally abused by me. When looking for resourses to determine if I was indeed an abuser, I had no shortage of women telling me how their abusive partners had convinced them they were the abuser or how it is common for a victim of DV to think they are an abuser. No shortage of people telling me I was a victim. I grew up in an abusive home. I did not want that for my son. Eventually I was told to Google mosiac method. I did the threat assessment and found I was indeed an abuser. I want to let the OP know about this test. It really cleared up a lot of things for me. I hope to change my behavior but am sad the resources for my husband were not readily available as they are for women. The test may help you confirm what you already know and provide you with ways to get help. Abuse is not gender specific.

Finally i have found someone going through this . I have been emotionally abused by my mother since i can remember . I am now 36 .
I have had 2 failed long term relationships , my most recent ended a year ago , from a girl i was with for 7 years . Deep down inside i know it is the depression from the abuse i have suffered . It is so hard to talk about , so hard to discuss even with a doctor , nobody believes it , i dont , except for the mental scars . A mother is meant to love you , not hate you , wow , its really quite sick thinking about this . i do not know what to do .

Hello, as other people have already said, you're not alone. I've been emotionally abused by my parents (not only my mother) since I'm able to remember.

I’m 22 years and I’ve been a reclusive, shy, anxious, worried and scared boy my damned entire life. And I’m sure it’s because of this lack of love, support and ease at home, adding up the bullying I suffered in my village during Primary School.

My mother has always insult me, use hr tantrums into me when something bad happened to her at work or at social situations and yelling at me the so antisocial person that I am, that I don’t “move in life”, that I do nothing and that I’m stupid because of my way of thinking. I’m a Computer Engineer that never ever has had problems studying, I’ve been working too.

While I am writing this I feel utter rage, I don’t think I am capable of writing all the terrible mind-screwing things that my parents have (and are) doing to me.

I remember when I was a child, there was a contest in Primary School for writing a story in Christmas. I write one based on knights, archers of Mid Age, because I liked a lot the Age Of Empires II game, one of the first game I ever played in my childhood. The school posted my story in a plank outside my class and when my mother left a teacher-parent meeting at those days she yelled at me because “I only thought of playing and no more” and I went home in despair, my illusions broken, and I didn’t try to write anything more for years.

I can’t write more by now, my hands are trembling and I’m on the verge of crying.
I’ll write more about my experiences when I can.
Happy day to you all.

im 24, my parents emotionally abused me. my mom still does, she is a textbook narcissistic mother, her actions are sadly predictable. i am the black sheep and two of my sisters are the golden children. she wouldnt even cosign on student loans for me so i couldnt go to college but my sisters will get a paid trip. i can write pages on stuff she has done but there is no point. like the original post stated, no one believes that women abuse men, its laughable and effeminate to admit being abused by a woman. i have written a lot of her actions and even recorded some but people just shrug, few know what it is like to be mercilessly abused by a parent...they dont know what it is like to lack that love and support. unfortunately i love my mother like a sad dog that keeps going home to get beat. she is incapable of love and empathy. she is emotionally a teenager brat. she lives vicariously through my older 2 of 3 sisters..my youngest sister is least feminine and she bosses her around and arrests her emotional development.

she allows my sisters to pick on me and i cant defend myself or she will send me to a homeless shelter or psych ward again. went to a psych ward because my sister lied and said i tried to hit her (but she dodged it, how believable).

my dad killed himself a few years ago after being divorced. my dad mostly ignored me but broke some of my stuff (that i worked for and bought), wanted me to be a jock but wouldnt play with me or wouldnt enroll me in sports.

my mother hates my girlfriends and is horrible to them. i am consumed with pain and nihilism. used to think if i change my behavior my mom will accept me or love me or even like me, but after trying for years i know that is impossible. i dont have an ego driven reason to live like most people, when i would try to overcome she just constantly belittles me..i would try again, make friends and try to become a person that would appease her narcissism but she is just an emotional vampire. i know i should live for myself and i would if i was not in so much physical pain, mental pain aside. the last 3 years i have ran out of hope and strength. i have started using painkillers recently, they are the only thing that makes me normal but it is impossible to get a prescription (despite being on disability for pain) and buying h off the street is not a life for me.

there is no escape from the void that my parents left me, except painkillers but that cant last forever and is stupid without a prescription or trust fund. i dont know what to do, i exercise and eat well, dont smoke or drink caffeine any more, never drank because my parents were alcoholics and it offers no relief or strength. this is a bit rambling but its therapeutic to share
i hate feeling like a victim but parents can cause some serious damage.only lesson in my story is: if your parents are narcissists/incapable of love, either become an empty narcissist yourself or dont bother appeasing them.

The world will be a little better place when my mother, 84, finally leaves it. She has been toxic to everyone in her circle. I got it the worst. She took a natural introvert and made darn sure I was denied access to sports, friends, summer camp, jobs, etc. Result being no girlfriends in high school and college...and I married the first woman who liked me, which was a terrible mistake.

Evil mothers...must be a special place in hell for them.

This is one of the few places I have found people talking about men with abusive mothers - I'm sure it's common, but we are taught to suck it up and get to work. My mother physically abused my when I was 4 - 7. When I asked her why me and not my sisters she says it's because I was more difficult. I wasn't smacked in the head for anything I did - it was just her own frustration. I didn't even remember being hit until my 30s. Even though she stopped hitting me she still has violent outbursts and raises her hand as if to strike me.

I've made a lot of bad choices in my life including addiction and other self destructive behaviour and I take full responsibility for this. I've also had many successes and overcome my violent abusive upbringing. I've been clean and sober for 18 of the last 20 years - I had a relapse after 12 years but am back again now with 3 years. I got my degree and have had some great professional success as well. I have three healthy daughters and a loving wife who supports me. Our home is full of laughter and happiness.

But in spite of all my successes I am unable to find peace in my relationship with my Mother and, by extension, most of my family of origin. I accept she did the best she could at the time but I am still triggered by her constant criticism and violent outbursts. I see that we trigger each others pain. But no matter how many facts and outside confirming opinions I present She won't accept the role she plays in our dysfunctional relationship. She can only see my faults and only accepts that I have to change my behaviour. I've been stuck in this hell for 20 years because I am unable to rise above her behaviour and keep getting drawn into the vortex of pain and anger that we both feed off.

About two years ago I made the decision to withdraw from the relationship completely. I've been grieving this since and have come to a level of acceptance - but it's hard because I am now effectively an orphan. It's hard also because there's not a lot of support for men in my situation. If the roles were reversed (a father physically abusing a daughter) - it would be clear victim blaming and ongoing abuse. But I am riddled with self doubt and insecurity about my situation.

Today I choose to focus on the people who love and respect me and feed those relationships - not the ones that are causes of pain and abuse. It is a struggle but I can be free from it in the moment when I remember to breathe and be present. I would appreciate any comments from those who are having the same struggles I am.