Emotional abuse online

I'm not really sure if what I have been through can count as abuse, but it surley feels that way.

I met a guy while travelling a couple of years back (now going on three) and I fell madly in love with him. We had a brief but very intense relationship, and at the beginning he was very loving and caring. I thought I had found the right guy.

A while into our relatinship he started to act quite differently though. He started to act destructive, blowing hot and cold, withholding affection, being jealous about my achievments, and he started to flirt with other girls to upset me. He even started to hit on my friends. So I did the right thing and broke up with him.

Unfortunatley due to social media he has been able to keep updated on my life. At first he seemed to not care about me moving on, but after a while he started commenting on everything I was doing. Belitteling my work and interests, commenting on my pictures, every status that I posted.

I eventually blocked him from Facebook, but he now has his own personal Twitter account where he continues to verbally abuse me, almost on a daily basis.

I need to have a Twitter account for professional purposes, and I can't help myself from checking his because I know he will say something badly about me and the things that I do, it has become a vicous circle. He constantly comments on my work, and every time I post a new picture of myself he writes something negative about it.

At the beginning I thought it was just because he wasn't over me, and because he found it hard to watch me move on, but this has been going on for over TWO years. It seems like it will never stop!

I don't know what to do and it is seriously hurting my self-esteem. What is wrong with him? Why is he doing this? And how can I make it stop?

I confronted him with it, but it didn't help. He is so manipulative and he makes me feel like it is my fault. Like I'm the one who is crazy.

I even think he has a new girlfriend now and he still keeps on doing this. I feel so trapped and I don't know what to do.

Sorry about the bad English

That's a difficult situation, Lost_girl. Two years is a really long time for someone to keep up this type of behaviour, I can understand how that would be so upsetting.

If you haven't already, I would highly recommend blocking his account and not contacting him again. You're being thoughtful and reasonable in asking him to stop. But he is not responding to that, so each contact you make directly with him feeds this behaviour.

You can also report him directly to Twitter. There's information about that here- https://support.twitter.com/articles/15 ... -behavior# They will investigate all reports [according to that page] but it does depend on what he's saying. Threats, breaches of privacy or "unlawful use" would get his account suspended.

However, this probably still allows for personally abusive posting. Criticising your pictures, for instance, is hurtful but not necessarily illegal. So, you could also go to the police with the evidence that he's harassing you personally or professionally. Or if he's defaming or libelling you. Don't threaten him with this, just decide yourself if you're going to do it and then take evidence with you. It might be that a call or two from them might be what it takes to stop him. It'll also help to make them aware of the situation in case he starts harassing in any other way.

Lost_girl wrote: I'm not really sure if what I have been through can count as abuse

It most certainly is, it's also harrassment

Lost_girl wrote: he continues to verbally abuse me, almost on a daily basis... I can't help myself from checking

Don't check !
Does he know that you check? Does he know the misery he is causing you?

Lost_girl wrote: What is wrong with him? Why is he doing this?... I confronted him with it, but it didn't help. He is so manipulative and he makes me feel like it is my fault. Like I'm the one who is crazy.

He's doing it because he's an abuser. It's nothing to do with you: he does it because he's an abuser.
Confronting him won't help, begging & pleading won't help. Ignoring him is about all you can do: if he doesn't get a reaction, he WILL give up, sooner or later.

You can, and must, change your reaction to the abuse, and change how you think about yourself. It's not your fault. Get some good books, they really do help:
Power & Control by S. Horley, and Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft: brilliant, worth every penny.

Lost_girl wrote: I even think he has a new girlfriend now

and he's going to be abusing her too, sooner or later.

I got in touch with my ex's ex-girlfriend, through Facebook. She told me that he did all the things to her, that he did to me. He continues to stalk both of us, to this day, but we ignore him. It's got much better, I only bump into him once every year on average, and I've taught myself to ignore him if he speaks

Thank you so much for your replies. It really helped me a lot!

I was so caught up in the situation that I had a hard time seeing what was really being done to me, it was clearly abuse! After I wrote my post things got even worse. His commenting became sexual in nature, and he even created a fake profile in my name where he added a porn picture as my avatar. It got so far that he used this fake profile of me to comment on my work, posing as me!

I never thought this kind of thing would happen to me. Never have I met such a pathetic person! I'm now documenting everything he does against me online, and I might have to prepare for a lawsuit. It is awful to have to spend time on this, it is like life is never going forward, and you keep going in a cycle where you have to deal with the abuser and the wounds from the past. I guess this is exactly what he wants, to somehow remain in control of my life.

It's so twisted and sick I don't even have words for it!

I am so sorry this is still going on. It really really sucks that you have to spend your time on him, even when you're trying to get out of it. Are you finding ways to support yourself? This must be exhausting.

I have involved my family in this, and they are offering me both emotional and financial support.

Twitter did delete the fake profile of me, but there is no way for them to prevent him from making new ones. He could also easily make profiles on other social media sites, and I don't think this is the last of it. At least I am better prepared now.

If there is any advice I can give to someone in a similar situation is to start documenting the abuse as early as possible, and to take the warning signs seriously.

I don't take what he writes personally anymore, it's beyond that point were I take him seriously. He has some very serious issues, and none of what he says has to do with me.

The internet is a great thing, but at the same time it really does provide a platform for those with ill intent.