Tough or Verbally Abusive?

When people look at me, I may seem like i have a pretty nice life. I have had a nice house, food, everything. It seems like my parents are cool, but that's all an act. once I'm alone with my mother especially I don't get any love. I don't think I've actually felt loved by them my whole life. I don't even have a close relationship with them, it's mostly just small talk that happens at dinner. Both of my parents are constantly working and my sister is in college, she isn't any better either.

Just so there's some background, I do believe I have depression. I don't know for sure but I defiantly know my family has caused part of that. I am a cutter, and have had suicidal thoughts , but I'm afraid to tell anyone about this because I'm afraid of anyone telling me that I'm just overreacting. I've moved a total 8 time in my life, all in completely different places, and really miss my last home.

My parents like to make fun of people most of all. They're always talking about everyone, including me and other family members, behind their back. One time I heard them saying in the other room that, "she's being too sensitive to every little thing," and "why is she being such a bitch?" Also, mother and father like to make jokes about people with eating disorders, cutters, and suicidal people. At dinner one night, my dad asked me if I tried to hang myself because I was wearing these bracelets that were made of rope. Plus, they never take me seriously when I try to tell them about a problem I have, the answer is normally, "just stop being so sensitive." I almost never go downstairs now because of all of this.

My sister likes to pick on me, not like the normal "sisterly way" but goes out of her way to do this, and it's very hurtful. I've repeatedly told her to stop but I get the same reaction as my parents, surprise surprise. She's also very insensitive, could careless of anyone's feelings.

I'm considering whether to leave and go live with a friend or someone at my last home, the school would be better and nicer, people are better, and no family to make me feel like crying or cutting. But overall, they aren't even aware that they make me feel awful enough to harm myself. I just need some advice....

I think if you can choose to live with a friend or non-mean relation, that would be a good plan. Your immediate family aren't going to change without work. And they'd need to want to change which doesn't seem likely from what you say. You're important. You need to put yourself first in this and to make a decision that supports you. If you can get confidential help, through school perhaps, or through your doctor if possible, that would be good too. You aren't overreacting to have suicidal thoughts. And you deserve support for the cutting and depression. That's so hard to be handling by yourself. It's tough, since your family are so unwilling to hear that anything could be wrong, to have to take care of yourself. But that seems to me to be what you need to do.

clairef06 wrote: I don't get any love. I don't think I've actually felt loved by them my whole life

That's so harsh, so unfair. It's not your fault though, it doesn't make you unloveable. You can find love in different people, it doesn't have to only come from your immediate family: you can make your own family, as you go through life

clairef06 wrote: I'm afraid to tell anyone about this because I'm afraid of anyone telling me that I'm just overreacting

You need to tell someone who understands then: a counsellor, or a helpline. I would start with Childline (do you know that? I'm not sure how old you are, but I guess you're a teen?)

clairef06 wrote: "why is she being such a bitch?"

That is an abusive term: bitch. You could say "why is she being mean/hurtful/nasty" but to say "bitch", that is abusive. It's disrespectful.

clairef06 wrote: My sister likes to pick on me, not like the normal "sisterly way"

Because she's seen your parents do it and get away with it. She's tried it on you, and gotten away with it, so she continues.
You can learn ways to handle this while you're still at home. There are some great books out there, really helpful stuff that works. try putting "verbal abuse" into amazon and read the reviews.

clairef06 wrote: I'm considering whether to leave and go live with a friend or someone

If that's realistic, yes, that definitely sounds like a good plan. Are you of legal age to leave home? Get advice if you're unsure, from a suitable sensitive source such as Childline, or a domestic abuse helpline (sorry, I don't know any off the top of my head).

Good luck to you