How can I help her

I love my wife, but she is being increasingly abusive and I don't know what to do. She is always drunk when it happens, and she drinks a lot - though not enough for me to think she is an alcoholic. Sometimes she hits me, but it's almost entirely verbal. Last night we were having a pretentious conversation about what race means, I just said that "there's a common Y-chromosome haplogroup in the Irish population that's uncommon anywhere other than northern Scotland, and combined with cultural and social difference that amounts to an Irish 'race' by modern standards - I mean in the 19th century 'race' used to include things like nationality", she responded by shouting at me, calling me stupid and telling me to f*ck off until I left. She then later burst into our room shouting that I was racist, that I was stupid, that I was pathetic and that there was nothing she didn't know more about than me.

This is just one of many nights that this sort of thing has been happening, and then in the morning she's always angry at me - and won't explain why it's my fault or talk about it.

I really don't know what to do to help her, any advice?

Is she like this with anyone else, or is it just you? If it's general, then it might be best for her to talk to her doctor and see whether this is directly from the drinking or if there are other factors in play. But I'm not sure how anyone would talk her into a GP visit if she disagreed.

If it's just you, do you think she'd agree to go to couples' counselling with you? That would be helping yourself as well as her. You don't deserve to be abused and being on neutral ground with a third party in the room might help her get some perspective on the situation.

If you can't persuade your wife to seek help, it's important that you get help for yourself. Please look around for an Al-Anon group in your area. They provide support for the partners and relatives of people who have problems with alcohol. You may decide that this is not the right type of support that you need, but attending at least one meeting can do no harm. They may even be able to direct you to other sources of help.

My ex partner had problems with alcohol and other addictions and I know from experience that entering into any kind of conversation with him when he was drunk or high was counter productive.

As Ada said, couples counselling might help. There are branches of Relate all over the UK, and you can attend alone if she is unwilling to attend. This might help you, if not your wife.

gvb wrote: She is always drunk when it happens, and she drinks a lot - though not enough for me to think she is an alcoholic

Being dependent on alcohol is what makes an alcoholic, not the AMOUNT that is consumed.
She may well be a "problem drinker" even if she's not a full blown dependent alcoholic. It still needs help

gvb wrote: Sometimes she hits me,... and then in the morning she's always angry at me - and won't explain why it's my fault or talk about it.

Does she feel remorse in the morning ? Is that why she won't address what happened, because she feels bad and doesn't want to take responsibility for what she did?