Oh gosh

[SpeckledUnicorn]

Okay so I said I wasn't going to make aventing forum, but I am. Mainly because I don't know where else to stick this and I need to get some crap out.

Anyway, first thing: I'm feeling stressed. School stuff. I'm supposed to be leaving Monday and I don't have an important loan I need filled out. I can ammend this mistake, but I'll have to talk to my mom. I dont want to admit my mistake and I don't even want her having to take out a loan. I'm supposed to be getting a job to pay for stuff, anyway, but I really don't want one. With a loan like this I can't avoid it. We have squat money right now. There is no ink in my printer to print the damn papers. It's Friday, I leave Monday and there is no way to get to the darn library since my mom works unless I take the bus. But I don't want to take the bus. I guess I'm...afraid to take the bus. Certain things make me very hesitant. I'm avoiding riding a damn bus. I could take it today. But I'm tired. But I can't go to sleep because I need to talk about this with my mom. Maybe I should ride the bus, get a pair of sunglasses and try to hide the fact that I'm sleepy as hell.

Uhg gosh. It feels like such a mess and I just want to give up. I don't seem cut out for this type of thing. I know I really am, but all the mistakes I keep making are screaming at me. I suck at getting things together as is obvious and this is going to cause me trouble in the long run. I am smart enough to do school. I am good enough . I will get better with my art. I just think all the formality and the loan stuff I'm not good at. I guess we gotta work past what we aren't good at though and not doing so just makes me a baby. I need to push past this. I need to talk to my mom, swallow pride and nervousness, and do it. Or else things won't get done.

Yeah also this is just something that is making me paranoid...I'm already paranoid convinced I definitely have some sort of mental issue based on my faiults. (not that I'm overall a failure. I think I have great potential. I don't have bad self esteem) When I don't necessaril ydo..but I've been on Advair for about 10 years. Yeah that long and I read that (though it is rare) it can cause mood swings , depression, and psychosis. That has m enerovous. What if this fault is really just the medecine and not me? If I've been on it for 10 years how do I seperate theeffects from myself? Maybe I should try getting off of it and see what happens. But I think I've heard that getting off of it can make things worse too :/. I think it's probalby not this..but it could be. I won't let myself run away with this idea.

I'm realy hungry too ,kbut I don't want to eat. I know..Ridiculous.But I don't feel like it.


I don't feel better writing this out. I really want to rip my hair out . I'll just have to deal wtih all this and get stuff checked out and be a big kid ;O about all of this.


It was nice giving a little vent. Makes me able to get things out and analyze my thoughts and figure out what I'm going to do.