Ramble

[EricaLevesque]

There doesn't seem to be many post going on here but the Forum said VENT so that's what I'm gonna do. Hopefully this is right the place to post this.

I'm doing ok I suppose. My mood has been kind of up and down today. I go through these fits of overanalyzing everything and getting myself all worked up. Most of the time its over nothing. It can be the most miniscule thing, which I turn into this big travesty and I start freaking out. I've been manic and flying high for the past month...working on starting a business, making jewelry like crazy, networking... fluttering all around like a big boasting butterfly and I'm wondering when everything is going to come crashing down again. Maybe today is the start of it.

I'm really worried about money right now because my husband and I are desparately trying to start our own business and I'm out of work. No matter how much we try to cut corners it seems like its never enough and we're always struggling. I'm not even sure how we're gonna make rent by the 6th. As long as we can get this business up and running I know it will be a great success and everything will be better, but its the getting it up and running part that is the hurtle.

I don't want to lose sight of this dream... I've always been someone to give up so easily because I am constantly in fear of setting myself up for failure and disappointment. Will everything actually get better though? Here lies the problem, which is that; with me things never seem to get better. well they do but then something else happens to make me have to take an unexpected detour with my life and everything always gets all screwed up because of me. Not to mention the fact that I'm insatiable. Its so contradicting... I am so appreciative of the little things in life but at the same time it seems as nothing nothing is ever enough. I'm not sure if this is a result of me never being able to do enough to please my father or what but this is a big issue with me and it sickens me.

Sorry to ramble... I'm not even sure if there was a point to that other than to simply get it off of my chest. When my mind starts going a million miles a minute, everything gets all tangled so journaling, blogging, that type of thing helps me smooth everything out in my mind.

Thanks for listening. <3