So emotional so angry

[TheHiveMind]

He has her, he was on the verge of a mental collapse. He needed someone in physical to tend his clingy needs. I get that.

Then why string me along. 7 months. He had 7 months to tell me and all I get is bs.
I say "it's just online, I'm a random person online why would you care"
Yet his responce "your not random. I care, I want you, in the future I'll get back to you. Keep hoping for me"
If you want me than ***** stay by me. Not creep of to a crazy woman that's had her eyes on you for years.

I think. Did you ever care. Only reason you got desperate enough to get with me was because your last relashionship failed because your so week you cant stand your ground.
"I can be myself with you" then grow some **** and do yourself right by transitioning then. ******everyone else. Dont be so stupid as to sell yourself short because your to pathetic to try for what you deserve.
Then you tell me you prefure the man I am as apposed to the woman you made me. Well **** you. I'm a **** up peace of **** and if you hadnt figured that out by not than thats your fault.

You ask so much of me and get disappointed when I fail. Yet I ask one thing of you and I know your never come though. You want me to hope, hope for what. I'm just another woman in a long line. You say I'm special, I bet you told the other women that to.
You tell me you want to keep "out relashionship" private from your woman. You never talk about her, your to guilty. Not guilty enough to end it. You take from me, you took money and gifts yet never bother returning any favour. You do nothing for me.
Yet I'm so ***** in the head, you dug your claws so deep pretending to care and help. You split me open now cant handle the pandora box and its horrors. And I'm left to live with it. I'm left thinking you do care, that your one of the few things that brings me comfort. Should I have ever let you in? Should I have been so stupid to trust? Humans are all the same. You take and take and take. Never caring to give back. You indebt yourself to so many and wonder why I never do things for free.

You want ""us"" to continue. Friends with benefits or whatever. You better buck your ideas up and urn back the trust you lost. It took years to get to where we were. If you cant handle 6 months on your own. You better go sobbing back to your whore because unless you sort yourself out. We will be nothing.

And though all of this. I still love you. Like an idiot. Because you do provide comfort. I'm so alone, you seem to care, you know me so well. You seem to be trying.
But it's all a lie. My world is broken, I dont know what is real. Your some random guy on the internet that thought he could love me. No one loves me.
Fictional people in my head I'm told are real. They dont love me, they hate me. Everyone hates me.
I'm a child. I know nothing, a slave who must do as told. I asked for that, because its easy. No one cares, they use and throw away.

Yet we still talk. You say your better with her. Then why talk to me? I dont understand any of it. My mind tries itself I knots and I dont know anything. No one comes when you scream, no one ever does. "If you do deside this know that we love you" they didnt care. They hate you now. They dont even know you. I hate you, I love you, I will kill for you, I'll leave you, dont go. I hate it I hate it. I hope she dies. Come back to me. Fated remember, come back.

Crying. So week, so tired. Alone.

"Find what you love and let it kill you"

Kill me