Intrusive Thoughts

[LoveWomen]

After my ex raped me I developed severe anxiety. Planned my suicide. I asked a friend if I could use her address to get medicinal weed. She said no since she was worried it would be traced to her and she wants to make sure she gets a job.

Here the issue, weed is legal in her state and mine and she hasn't applied for a single job in three years. She also hasn't worked for ten year. Her parents are well off and they fund her large house and luxury taste.

My issue is that women and friends will never help. Not in any meaningful way that could shift your life from hellish nightmare to bearable. Especially if there is a minor risk involved. Don't get me wrong, they will throw money at you here and there, talk to you online if you're having a bad day but it doesn't materially change my circumstances. Women will not risk any inconvenience for other women.

Several DV victims I've spoken to went through the same thing. All of my friends left me. ###$ em right? Naw, I forgive them and we are once again close. But I know they are limited in their compassion, limited in their humaness to save themselves while watching me drown.

Humans are so limited. So severely limited. The friend who wouldn't help me so I could try to resolve my suicide and anxiety, she's the same person who said (when I didn't even ask her) that I couldn't have moved in with her while I was being raped daily and my pets beaten.

Wanna know the scariest part? She calls herself an empath. She's one of the gentlest, kindest people. It's always the nice people.

Then a miracle happened, I met amazing strong women who were bold, fierce, back bone. They fight for women and fight for right risking their reputation and popularity to do what's right. But again, none of them would do the simplest things to help change my situation. I have no right to demand anything, but while I am drowning, no food, suicidal, I ask for one teeny thing and the answer is no. I have literally seen men ask for the world and women jump and have seen men help other men rape, beat, murder or lie for friends...then I wonder, wow, no wonder we live in a patriarchy, men no matter how much they hate each other ban together and no matter how much women love each other, they won't risk a damn.