Hatred for people=hatred for myself

[thelocust64]

Ive dwindled into nothing. Im a 27 year old insecure, loner, loser bitch. My only friends are my roomates who dont even wanna hangout with me after they got to see how much of a creepy introvert i am. My other "friends" are a couple who after meeting my roomates only want to hangout with them. They send a group text including me to see if they can come over and after my roomates say they arent going to be home I say that Im down to hangout and they just dont txt back. Im just a fifth wheel no one wants around. I have no money, no friends, no girls. I feel myself growing to hate people which I know isn't going to help me. I feel myself growing to despise the opposite sex which I know its dumb to generalize them but it just feels good to watch videos that say all women are manipulative sluts when you feel too worthless to talk to any. I find myself inwardly hating my other male roomate because hes more outgoing and makes everybody laugh all the time and I know im just an insecure loser but I cant help but feel this jelousy. Im jealous, angry, insecure, lonely, self-hating doormat for everybody to use. And im broke so im trapped with these people, I have every characteristic of a villain from a fiction movie. I just wanna see everyone fail, I wanna see everyone else as unhappy as I am. I want everyone to suffer. Anyone who has any character trait that I dont have I instantly hate, but deep down I cant deny the fact that its simply because I envy them which makes me want to kill myself. Im broke so im literally trapped in this situation with these people I hate. I JUST WANT OUT! I WANT TO SCREAM AND KICK IN MY ROOMATES DOOR AND ###$ KILL THEM. I WANT TO MURDER ANYONE WHOS EVER SAID SOME SNYDE REMARK OR POKED FUN AT ME TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK COOLER OR FUNNIER. I cant even take a joke at this point im so insecure and pitiful. I just want to end this. I just want to die. Any hatred I feel toward other people I just have to turn inward to myself because I know the hatred is based on such falty reasoning