First time posting here or any kind of forum really, so hopefully I'm in the right place. I'm a 40-something year old woman with a boyfriend of the same age, in a 2+ year relationship. Our sex life began to dwindle only about a year in, and I'm just discovering that he likely is addicted to porn, and the types of porn are getting more disturbing to me; along with other things I've found, I'm afraid to a potentially dangerous level. I myself am a bit of a sex addict; I haven't been in a relationship with a man whose sex drive matched mine. So I try to keep that in check, and tried not to overreact when our sexual activity went to maybe once or twice per week (we are in our 40s after all, right?). But now finding out that he's masturbating to porn more often a week than having sex with me, I'm devastated and hurt. He is a firefighter who is gone for 2-3 days at a time, so when he gets home, I'm on ready. Then I go to work and he takes care of himself and I get nothing later, or if I do, he's not at his "full potential" at all. However, I might be able to work through that, but some other things have me freaked out and wondering if I need to run like hell. Up until last week, he didn't use private browsing on his laptop and so his history was on the main search page, like most visited sites. The first time I used his laptop and saw this, his most visited sites were college girl porn. I said something to him, but didn't make too a big deal out of it. That was a year ago. Now, as all intimacy has gone and our sex life continues to decline, and he continues to ignore my feelings about it, I went on his laptop and did do some snooping. I almost wish I hadn't. Now he looks mostly at teen porn and most often, rape porn, and not just every now and then, but almost daily on his off duty days. And there were several entries with applications to become a porn star (he told me he had considered it in the past). But worse, there were several searches for spy cameras: How to make a hidden camera, how to hide a spy camera in a bathroom, etc. I confronted him and he insisted they were pop ups, and laughed at me asking haven't I ever watched porn. Thing is, I have/do from time to time, and I've never gotten a popup ad from WikiHow or Home Design pages for how to hide cameras. Also, these searches didn't follow porn sites in his history tab, they followed him looking at his bank account. And a week before, I was shopping on our Amazon Prime account, and there was a coat hanger hidden camera gadget in the shopping history. He told me that he was looking for home security cameras to watch our dogs when we're not home, "not spy cameras dork." But that was the only camera he'd viewed. Doing further digging, I went on his facebook (he'd left logged in) and just clicked in the search tab. I then learned my bf is a creeper. His fb search history is full of beautiful young girls, who aren't his fb friends, some names matching porn stars he'd watched on porn sites,
some nurses at local hospitals that I know he transports patients to. He obviously doesn't know them too well because he tried several spellings of their names before finding the right one. And more disturbing, some teenaged daughters of women on my facebook that he doesn't know anything about, I've never had reason to mention. One in particular, a gorgeous blonde 17 year old daughter of a distant relative of mine back in my hometown; the relative had posted a pic with her daughter that I liked back in December, and since then, he's searched and looked at the daughter's page several times, along with other young girls back in my hometown that he must have found on her page. I'm freaked out to say the least; add to it, I have three gorgeous teen/young adult daughters myself. My mind has been racing with all kinds of thoughts; like, is he hiding cameras in our guest room/bathroom for when my daughters are in town. Driving myself crazy looking for cameras everywhere (I did find a couple tiny cameras in a drawer in the garage, but not any hooked up). But none of this makes sense with who I thought I knew him to be; I and my family have been so happy that I finally found a good guy; an all-American, U.S. Marine, firefighter out there saving lives. I've been trying to make sense of this in my head, trying to think of or find some valid, innocent reason for what I've discovered. I have started to leave a couple of times and he talks me out of it, and is always so sorry he hurt me; then goes right back to the porn first day he has to himself. He stopped me from leaving over all this last weekend, and was already back at it Thursday on his first day off. I feel he has to be an addict but on the other hand, he seems too self-controlled of a person. But he is obviously obsessed with looking at other women; he can't see an attractive woman on tv without turning around and trying to find naked pics or porn of her. So now, it's hard for me to even watch tv or movies with him now that I know this; it was hard enough that he has to comment on every pretty female. And he's always ogled other women in public, and I've just ignored it. I didn't want to seem like "one of those," and up until recently, was very secure in myself and my own looks. I don't look my age and actually always dated younger men up until this one. Granted, I was always underweight before 40 and gained about 15 pounds since I met him, but I personally like my body more now; but for him, I might as well be invisible. The other morning, before he watched porn that day, he even told me about a new weight loss clinic that he was considering going to (he has become very overweight since I met him, yet I still find him very sexy), and said he was certain I could drop a good 25 pounds if I went there. I'm no where near 25 pounds over weight; I think he just misses my teen-like body. I don't know what to do or think, even though I know it should be obvious. I appreciate any thoughts and honest opinions here. Thanks for reading my rambling.
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