Always dirtying people

[AprilR]

My suicidal thoughts started to become unbearable since now even my family is disgusted with me and rightly so. I've been having disgusting thoughts that made me want to vomit and i don't ever want to see my family anymore. I've considered admitting myself to a mental hospital but i don't want my parents to be labeled and they're in denial so it would make overwhelm them. Also apparently even THAT is very expensive in my country. I can't talk about this with psychiatrists either because if this is not anxiety related i wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'm trying to find a job so i can at least move out and be away from my parents. I don't understand anything anymore i wish it wasn't a sin for people like me to commit suicide, or that there were instutitions for people like me so their parents could live normal lives. It's so unfair to my parents that they had a child like me.