feel like i'm wasting life

[jaus tail]

my colleagues will be going for a foreign trip towards the year end for a week. they are my team members. since i'm not a permanent employee n just a contract one i wont be going.

i've been working here longer than 2 team members. they are going cause they are permanent employees.

i'm not jealous that they didnt invited me. well it would be nice if i were going but that's not what is majorly bothering me.

i feel like i'm wasting my life. i dont have fun with anyone. am like some robot. all i do is read read read. its boring but i dont have anything to do. kill time is all i do.

no friends no one to talk with. i only have hatred inside me n am turning to a sadist. i had lunch with my team yesterday n i was quiet throughout the meal.

i felt so out of place n i'm tired of my life. just tired. i also want to have fun, want to travel the world n hold hands of a loved one.