i have hatred inside me

[jaus tail]

i spent the weekend thinking ill about a former friend. like really dirty curses. that's all i do. pray for the world to end. i want everyone to die. like really just burn this world.

all i have is hatred inside me. hatred for the entire world n i am tired of hating people. tired of talking about my sexual abuse to the whole world, tired of acting like a victim as if i've never done anything bad. but i have done bad stuff n i just hate my life for the memories that i have

i hate my caretaker. i'm cruel towards the woman. i'm not supposed to do. i feel guilty for it but i just hate everyone. kids are supposed to love their parents n caretakers but i feel only anger and sympathy for her.

i am unable to not be angry. i am cruel towards her n i just want to die, cause she deserves better but life is a mess. its all one giant mess.

i feel guilty for being cruel towards her. that's what i am: but i am so tired of everything.