Why?

[huytongirl]

Hey ***** -

A few weeks ago you cried in my arms because you were suicidal. I had never seen you cry before. Then your clinical paranoia got so bad, you asked to come and stay with me because you live with your parents and were scared you were going to murder your mother. I was scared but I agreed, though after a week I had to ask you to go because your rage and talk of violence was making me ill.

Finally the NHS gave you help.

You came round and found me ill in bed and accused me of infidelity.

I said one night I didn't like some TV star. You were furious, you insulted me, and ended the relationship.

The obvious answer is you are seriously mentally ill. But you are charm itself to other people.

I have mental health problems and can be vicious. But I aplogise, I feel awful. You do not care.

No apology. No; "I'm sorry I was rude but it wasn't working."

Why take so much sympathy and concern from me then turn so viciously?

Why?

I don't understand.

Is this what people mean when they say they want cloaure? I onow I'll never get that.

I do not want you back. The last few weeks you drained me emotionally - I was terrified you'd kill yourself oe hurt someome else - and then you turned on me.

But I'm scared you'll come back all charmy-charmy when you want something and I, in my own sickness and loneliness, will agree to meet you.

Because every time you do this then dump me I feel suicidal and it's getting worse each time.

Here's to strength.
Why did ypu act that way?

I'll never know.