Please Try.

[0RH1]

I really appreciate you taking the time and effort to try and explain things to me, it does mean a lot and it helps me understand a little better. Unlike you I find it hard to talk in this format, words do not naturally trip off the tongue and I end up leaving a lot out that I maybe wanted to say or should say. But, I can't use that as an excuse to not at least try to do the same. I do not how much comfort it will be for you, but you have earned the right to hear me try and explain what goes on in my thoughts.

I remember my friend saying to me a while back that sometimes there is too much water under the bridge for two people to salvage anything, he was talking about his own situation but it made me think of us, whether we have too much water under the bridge to ever successfully try again. Maybe on some level we both think that or else we would have talked directly by now. It disappoints me massively that we haven't managed to talk yet, and it makes me wonder if we will. We both hurt from this situation and neither of us really knows if we can mend what's broken. But, I have to say that you have tried, I know you have tried and I appreciate the efforts you have made, also understand that a lot of them I probably still don't even know about, if you are going to rely on my intuition to work it out we could be here a long time. But, of some of the things I know you have tried it makes me sad that I lost you and we are no longer in contact. you seem to have tried so hard but you can't give me the one thing I need to call you. Like I said before that's fine, if you are not comfortable then you don't have to do it, we both need to feel comfortable enough to be in contact with each other.

I know that some days you don't want us to be friends and some days you do, well if I'm honest that is how I feel much of the time, I have my doubts, but the thing I always held on to was the fact that my doubts would go if we talked, we never did argue in person, all I ever wanted was to try and get us talking and I truly believed that the strength of our bond would do the rest. There's a lot I would like to say but would rather do it in private in a PM but I know you'll struggle to answer that. I just know that it will not do either of us any good at all to continue like this, life is a forward moving thing and if we spend too much time looking back we will never make the most of what may hopefully come our way in future. That was why I had to eventually let go and accept that our lives where destined to go separate ways. I wasn't that I stopped caring about you or stopped loving you, it was just I would never make progress wit the way things were. I loved you totally but I knew you didn't love me in quite the same way, every time I would see you going out with someone else my heart died a little more, I just couldn't bear it. If you can't be happy for your friends in that situation then you should not be in their life, well at that point anyway, maybe at some point in the future.

The truth was that I loved you completely, wholly, totally and with every fibre in my body. You thought you were unlovable but I just kept loving you more and more, the only thing I couldn't accept was sharing you with someone else, if you didn't want me one hundred per cent and weren't prepared to commit one hundred per cent then I just couldn't do it. I had never loved anyone so much and to see that person with someone else was more destructive than anything else. Everything else I could adjust to, it was you that mattered. This was why I would always just strop off after a while, you couldn't seem to commit to me and all I could think of was you with somebody else and that was the worst living nightmare of all.

Eventually, I just had to accept that it wasn't going to be no matter how much I wished otherwise. You are the single most important person I've ever had in my life, I wish you all the success and happiness there is. I really think that neither of us knows the way back anymore, in some ways it's so easy, all one of us has to do is call or mail but neither of us can manage it for some reason. You don't know how much I wish we could.