Frustrated over not being able to 'connect' with people.

[Broken2bits]

I don't know if the failure to bond with my mother as an infant was because she's such a control freak and hated having a second child. Me being born female further disappointed her and my father so much he left on the day before I turned 1 year old. But I've had a betrayal in my relationship that caused me to disconnect. I don't feel close or trusting to anybody I know. My emotions run really high and sensitive so with nobody to connect with I feel isolated alone and abandoned by my spouses choices. Is it that trust is so broken I won't allow myself to reattach. Why do people try so hard to do everything they can to get into your life,play like they are who they are representing themself to be only to damage you when the lies surface? I'm one of those people who make sure everybody has everything they need or want before I have anything for myself. I like being able to contribute to peoples happiness. However once I'm bankrupt of all money and resources and space to accommodate any further why do I get the dirty end of the stick.I gave til I had nothing myself. I'd rather give something than have it stolen. Just ask,you can have it. If you need it that bad in the first place. Even after being severely abused in some situations ,I merited each person on their own self. Is this world so damned selfish that we ad a race willingly destroy each other for the "because I can' clause.I'm not an uneducated person or just plain gullible. I just like people. Now that just about everything has been taken or given tilnim bare, I'm told I'm over thinking the people in my life.oh and to top it off, I paid my rent and 2 days later I'm told to leave because the house is sold. No partial refund,not a person to help me and nowhere to go. So much for being a good person.
I wish I could at least connect to someone,I wouldnt feel so rejected and abandoned. Maybe I love too much and when that gets abused I shouldn't reconnect? I long for close relationships in myife again. But boundaries get stepped on,and promises mean nothing. Maybe I should learn to love myself,but I've never been truly loved so how do Iknknown what THAT feels like even. I have one bond,my son and he has his own life. My other child has been on a psychotic break forv4 years naw and disowned me over her delusions...I'm truly alone