always on :-(

[JustinB113]

I have BPD. I have to be on it, all day every day. Make sure I'm alert, make sure I don''t get triggered.

I was stressed out so much with 3 big things. Each big thing is over. I did well, I got through it. Things should be fine. Then they get bad because a friend changed their mind. I can never switch off, I can never take it easy. I always have to be alert. Otherwise I can lose my job, lose my friends, get arrested, kill myself even, just like that, in five crazy minutes.

I have to watch what I say, watch what I do, cannot trust what I think or how I feel.

It's so so so tiring. I just want to stop for a bit