Any suggestions, I need to get better

[Nkurt16]

Started at 14 years old where I had started having thoughts of killing people and hurting other people. Didnt like having the thoughts there because they bothered me, but I was curious as well. It got me into a ton of $#%^, Ive been diagnosed with Severe OCD, my depression can be life threatening almost instantly. I might be a danger to others but I don't really see it I guess. at the time.I call and call emergency services all the time looking for an answer, a suggestion, or w/e. I struggle way to much. To the point where I struggle ten times more when it comes to normal struggles, like a girlfriend breakup, being blown off etc. I will ruminate and ruminate and tense up, get migraine, feel the rush to my chest for hours. My head almost explodes,it hurts so bad. I want my life to go well, because why the hell am I living if its not going to be what I want it to be. I am wondering about anything misdiagnosed, because recently and als in the past Ive had little episodes of hearing voices, and feeling like for a split second a solid black figure is next to me, when I walk away from something etc. I want answers, I don't want jail, I don't want to be disconnected from everyone elses way of thinking, I don't want to be unhealthy all the time. Its not needed, I am smart, I just forget what old thinking was like before I started going down hill. Six years is hard to break. My body is also sensitive to medications, Im currently on Luvox-300 mg, Namenda-20mg, Buspar-30mg, and Seroquel XR 150 mg. I don't know if its an illness, I don't know if it is a personality disorder. Im als super hypervigilient all the time. I get automatic anxiety rushes when I go in public with people. I shake, get tense try to keep the anxiety in. Its not good. Any help would be appreciated,