Inferior_Force wrote:@marinated
Being superstitious of dates and places is something I know so well! I am very, very prone to magical thinking. Not just with regards to vomiting, but also break-ups, fights... I recently read somewhere that anxiety disorders often result in or develop towards OCD, maybe this is related.
Did you ever work with any special techniques in therapy to help deal with the after-effects of your trauma? I don´t know how extensively the two of you talked this through, but maybe talking alone cannot resolve the impact it has/had on you.
It´s a good thing you´re going out again. I managed to not have any chewing gum for about two weeks now, even though I frequently felt sick. The amazing result is that all of a sudden I often forget to take any gum with me when I leave the house, at least if I only leave for a short time. A while ago it was always the first thing on my mind when I was packing my bag. I do hope that I develop some confidence this way. When I feel sick now, I try this: I search for things I can say about myself, so I get in touch with my feelings and bodily sensations, like: "I´m freezing. No surprise, it´s quite cold at the moment. I´m actually shaking, which is why my body is cramping. This is very uncomfortable. I feel pressure on my stomach..." If the situation allows for it, I might even whisper it instead of just thinking it. I think I need to feel like I´m in control of something, but nausea is not a good choice (not that I had signed up for it...). Being able to reliably control my fear might make me feel a lot more secure. Right now my progress is still very unstable. I think I still (half-consciously) believe that if I manage to control the fear, I will never feel sick again. Never having to vomit again is still the goal my unconscious mind wants to achieve, and as long as this is the case, I am always at peril. One incident and the fear is out of control again. I don´t say this to be negative, it´s more like I´m preparing myself mentally for what is likely going to happen if I have to vomit. That way, maybe, I can avert a backlash.
Oh, another thing: I think I know the feeling of complete isolation or being locked in myself, not while throwing up (which thankfully hasn´t happened since that one incident that triggered the phobia again), but when feeling sick. It happens almost automatically, that´s why it is so important for me to get into touch with myself again. Getting in touch with my environment is almost impossible anyway. There was one time when I felt sick but I didn´t feel like I was locked in some other world, and I knew that if I had to throw up my SO would be there and take care of me. All of a sudden, feeling sick wasn´t so scary after all.
OCD sufferers tend to have alot of magic thinking and being very superstitious yea.
Hm, its mostly the therapist drawing graphs showing that it always gets better again, and in many ways that's true enough. I feel like though to me a therapist listens, i can cry to them, and they actually understand what I'm talking about whereas my close peers don't fully understand. To me that's a relief. It's a relief that someone knows how it is. I haven't tried chewing gum before, until recently going out was a big scare to me, I have routines and rituals (which is very OCD-like), although it's not OCD in the sense that I only do them when I'm panicking. I've never managed to get in touch with my inner self, I mean, I talk to my self inside my head but it doesn't help, i've found counting to help a tiny bit, but not any remarkably much. I think alot about throwing up, it's very intrusive, and I have I believe post traumatic stress disorder, I'll get flashbacks of previous vomit episodes and my entire body will just freeze before panicking completely. I don't feel sick to my stomach so much, I'm concentrated around throat area and gag reflex.
I can relate to the part of feeling in control. When I feel in control I don't feel sick at all either. I have had many set backs, they are hard at the time, but I know I have to keep strong, if I keep strong it won't be such a big setback, and I can usually move on pretty quickly.
I'm a bit confused though, are you scared of throwing up or just find it more uncomfortable due to it inherently being messy and perhaps embarrassing if infront of others?