My girlfriend

Hi all,
I need some advice and guidance from anyone that's willing to give it.

I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year now. I had noticed her pulling but never knew what it was until she confronted me about it roughly six months ago. It took a couple minutes to soak in and i KNOW that i will never be able to fully understand what she goes through, other than the mild OCD that i have about certain things. Recently things have not been going so well between us and I've been trying to talk to her about our relationship and things that could be bothering her but she doesn't open up. Is it common for people with Trichotillomania to hold things in and not talk about their emotions? Our sex life has been less than sub-par and I'm curious if this all could be stress related?

I guess the big question is, what can i do to make things better? How can i approach situations in a better light?

I love this girl and I want to make things right. We have never been in a fight over pulling or anything like that, just fyi.

Hi,

You've already made your first mistake in thinking that you can help her directly, because you cannot. If you try to understand her and helpher, then you'll just make her more distant from you; and you'll probably make her angry at you too. I think that you need to just make it known that you are there to support her in anything that she does, but I certainly would'nt dare raising the Trich issue in any shape or form. If she wants to talk to you about it sepecifically, however, then you should of course listen.

Trich is similar to OCD though... ...so if you look at it this way, you might understand a bit more why she does it. She pulls her hair because it's something of an obsession that she cannot control, just as you have your own obsessions which you also cannot control.

So, anyway, going back to the core issue: Just make sure that she knows you will support her, but I strongly advise not raising the trich issue (unless she raises it first). If you're feeling daring, however, then you could email her links to articles about Trich. I did say 'email' here... ...If you talk to her about it, she will just become defensive and angry (and wont listen).



Kevin.

Thank you so much for replying.
I have not made the mistake of bringing it up or at least not offending her when I do. I will try to get it through my thick skull that I can't help her. It is hard to not do anything because I actively try to help people all the time.
She has had therapy, when she was much younger and knows of her condition. It would help me to know that there are people out there that have some examples of successful relationships when dealing with trich and how they have dealt with it. I know that's a lot to ask but if anyone has input don't hesitate.

I don't want to lose this special woman due to my lack of understanding.

Thanks all

derecimo, you don't have to live with a lack of understanding over this. You can go and research Trich on the Internet, for example, and build up a repetoire of knowledge about it. Again, however. I wouldn't advise mentioning any of this to her, as she would only become angry with you. Also, it's not as if you can't help her entirely. I mean, directly helping her is out of the question, but indirectly helping her by learning about Trich yourself and therefore knowing how best to cope/deal with her when is a way of indirectly helping her.

Kevin

HI!

I told my boyfriend about my trichotillomania even before we started dating so that he would know what he was getting himself into and the three years we have been dating he has been extremely supportive and understanding. What does bother me a tad bit is when i am pulling and he tries to get me to hold his hand so that i will stop...i just wanna scream and say NO i wanna pull but i dont because he is just trying to help. I try to put myself in his shoes and think that he has no idea what i am going through but he does make an effort to listen to all my problems. I think the best thing for you to do is wait for her to come to you and just be there for her and let her know how you feel about her so she knows she has support... sometimes tichsters just need to know they have some that understand and does not judge!!

Good Luck and stay strong...

I have a rather complicated situation with my girlfriend of a little over a year who has trich. We have basically lived together the entire time we have been dating and recently, a couple of months ago, she moved back home to help out with her mother who has an increasingly large work load. I agreed, though I wasn't happy about her leaving. A few weeks later she went out with some friends and ended up "cheating" on me. I realize this seems irrelevant, but this is going somewhere, I promise. She was apparently drunk/exhausted and staying in a room with several friends and some random guy. She claims it was all reaction and instinct but that she didn't have the energy to say no, but to respond? This didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Now, she's told me to break up with her, and i've always been told that when a girl gives you the right to end a relationship it's in your best interest to go ahead and walk, but this situation feels different. We cannot talk about any of our problems, this or otherwise, without her getting into a self-loathing state and bringing up her hair, which is seemingly irrelevant here. I want to know if there's any possible way to approach working through this without upsetting her in a nature that she is going to pull, prior to this she was doing amazing and hadn't touched it seriously in weeks aside from a few strands here and there. So, in short, is there any possible way to approach her and discuss this without sending her into a state of depression? I really love her and don't want to lose her, but i'm lost and there is no way we can work through this or other problems if we just ignore it. Thanks for reading and I hope I receive a response.