Ten Years...Desperate

Sorry.

Hi, nhstar! Do you think that anything related to your home, like your mother's behavior, might be triggering you sometimes? Sorry if I misunderstood something. I think it's possible to start doing something because you're feeling bad or because of triggers and then it becomes a habit that you can't seem to get rid of. It's not hopeless, though.

Hi, i have the same thing! I'm 17 next month and i really want a fresh start for college. I don't pull my hair but i pull my eyelashes.. which i guess is even more noticable than hair because they are the main attraction of your face and you have less eyelashes than you do hair.
All the sites i've been on say its because of a mental problem caused my anxiety.. but i really don't think that's what caused our cases.. i started when i was 8 because i really hated lose eyelashes for some reason, so i would gentely tug at my eylashes with the pads of my finger and thumb. I have to admit i did find this quite satisfying but i only did it when i could spot a lose eyelash. Then one day when i was about 9 i wondered if i could pull one out with my nails. I did it and i remember it hurt but i felt really satisfied... over the years it became more and more of a compulsive urge and here i am about to turn 17 and i find it hard to look people in the eye. At one point i had lierally NO eyelashes. That was the worst time for me but after my breif break i have never been completley lashless but there are gaps in them as i tend to chose an area to pull. I'm so self-concious, i know for a fact that i would be so much prettier with longer and less gappy eyelashes because i went through a random 6 month period of not pulling atall.I dont know how it happened, i just woke up one morning and didnt feel the urge atall. it was amazing and i couldnt wait to put mascra on everyday, but then i had a relapse.. just one eyelash infront of the simpsons spelt beginning of a further 5 years of trich! .. i have never told anyone about this because its weird and i know their first reaction will be ' WHYY? doesnt it hurt?' .. and then they would tell people and i would be the freak of my school. Sooner or later someone would research it and diagnose me with depression or something stupid! But this actually happened to me, they didnt know i pulled them out though because i made a stupid story up that my friend pulled them out while i was sleeping with eyelash curlers... then i had to adapt my story when people began to wonder why BOTH my eyes were missing lashes. I remember my friend *sarah* introduced me to a load of her friends at school because it was my first year and i didnt know a single person, she said this is *kat* blah blah blah and then she said look she has no eyelashes ... the whole crowd moved in closer to inspect my face. I remember that moment to be one of the most embarassing, self esteem draining, ground-swallow-me-up moments of my life.
I now, however, have about half the eylashes of a normal person with gaps inbetween the areas of many ( by my standards ) eyelashes. I have about 3 weeks before i go back to school and i intended to stop pulling the day i broke up from school... and obviously every day prior to that too ... but im here on a metal health forum that i stumbled across where found your story, my last pull being 5 minutes ago .
One day i googled ' i pull my eyelashes out ' and it lead me to trich, it made me feel soo much better that i wasn't the only person in the world with this embarassing compulsion and reading your post I know exactly how you feel. The more upset i get about my looks the more I pull.. it's like a vicious circle. But Maybe if we just take it day by day. Once we get through a day then maybe a week.. a month! and by which time we will be beautiful again lol.
I tried wearing gloves once but they felt weird and i obviously had to take them off when i went outside. However, i only pull when i'm on my own for fear that if someone sees me doing it they'll point it out. I hate it when people stare at my eyes too, cause i know what they're looking at. I haven't told any of my friends except one who i'm not friends with anymore. Not even my parents know. They're not very observant thank god! But i guess it's because i started very young and only pull in private so they just got used to my appearence. Your mum sounds really unsympathetic and i'd give her ' what for ' if she was my mum, but don't worry.. my mum's WAAAYYYY overprotective, she thinks i'm dead if i dont send her a text every 2 hours when i'm out at night LOL, which is embarassing when i don't text her as i think i'm old enough to look after myself becayse she drives round town shouting my name!!! ommggeeeee
Anyway, we can move out soon! woop woop
I think we may be on different time zones but tomorrow i'm going to try my hardest not to pull any out.. it will be difficult as i'm having a duvet day all to myself but none the less... it will make me feel better if i know someone else is facing the same challenge... how about it?
It's surprising that eyelashes only take 4 weeks to grow and yet we have none or very little... if we can just manage 4 weeks then maybe we will be so confident from our new found beauty that we will no longer feel angry or depressed or the urge to pull
good luck

I've been pulling for like 15-16 years. I'm 23 and in college. I am a guy, so I can see how it would be much easier to cope and hide, but I never have. I wish I would have found this fourm months ago, before you left for school because the biggest advice I could ever give is be honest. I tried to hide for many years, but that didn't work. People always noticed smething, then the uncomfortable questions would come. When I moved to the dorm, after a day or two of getting to know my roommate, I told him what was up. He didn't care. It turned out that he had some ocd/phobias too. Don't be afraid to confront the issue or anyone who makes fun- straight up. You will feel much more confident about yourself after telling some "she don't know it but she's spoiled and stuck in high scool girl" off. You will discover how immediately people in college seem to be much more accepting of people and will make friends. I know this post is a bit behind the times, but I wish you luck in all of your endeavors. Beauty isn't skin deep (apparently that's what my girlfriend thinks). Your attitude and confidence will make you much more attractive to friends and men than a few hairs ever would.

Good Luck in School,
Dan