You are not alone

Prior to this week,I have pulled my hair for nothing short of ten years.i just found out last night that this is an actual medical condition and I cannot put into words how relieved I've felt reading and researching on this all day...I feel happy to know that I am truly not alone in my suffering.yes,I haven't stopped but you'll be glad to know that since reading on this and writing stuff on forums all day,I haven't pulled one strand of hair since morning.although I did pull last night,it was the anxiety I felt after discovering this and a whole host other sites that talk on this issue with real life testimonies of people too.i have always felt like a psycho,an abnormal person...I must admit,my journey of trying to fit in and finding myself hasn't been easy at all...I go into relapse like all the time and always come back worse.you have no idea how many times I've had to shave my own head in the bathroom,or the number of times I've had to lie my way through situations when clumps of my own hair have been found in unreasonably stupid places where I stuck them to hide them during such bouts of pulling.
I feel better writing about my experiences but I must confess I can't even remember all of them,it's been so long and I've begun to feel like it's just second nature,I mean I've been doing this despicable thing for most of my life,a decade to be exact and every time my hand flies to my head,it just brings back a whole lot of bad memories for me.sometimes I don't pull for long periods of time,sometimes even months...but once I begin again,it's impossible to stop.ive been bald countless times...and the itching?...I've just accepted it as a regular sensation now,the itching and lack of hair is kinda the worst to deal with.you see other 'normal people' with beautiful hair and you know yours can be like that too,only problem is your own hands won't stop causing havoc.
My mum even till now will just say 'stop pulling your hair' and I find it hard to explain to her that it's not as easy as it sounds...I just cannot control my hands...I'm writing all this with the hope that someone somewhere can relate and find the strength that has eluded me for so long.the strength to stop pulling...I hope to find it too someday.goodluck and I hope to write more soon.