Understanding Trich

I've just finished a course of counselling and even the counsellor thought it was ending at an inopportune moment because we were just getting in to some really important realisations but thats the way things are. I spent my last session talking about my trichotillomania and issues with food. That was really tough. I've had these issues for as long as I can remember, but today was just so raw. I lied to my parents to cover up my trich, stopping pulling my eyelashes and pulling my eyebrows and pubic hair instead. I often make myself bleed when I become fixated on one hair that is barely even out of the skin. This is hard because it's very obvious when I have a scab on my eyebrows then the guilt sets in and my parents and friends know.

I was borderline anorexic for a lot of my childhood because I felt the need to control that aspect of my life when we moved house and had to live with my grandparents for a bit. I was about 10 when this happened and I'm now 20 and feeling the repercussions still. It's really difficult for me as my parents interpret this as me being difficult and my dad doesn't believe in mental illness, he views the world in a very black and white manner.

I recently (January 2017) got diagnosed with GAD which has been tough but a long time coming, I am glad to have a diagnosis and to have started CBT and medication, but it's still really hard to get my head round. I have issues with scratching the skin off my hand when nervous which the CBT therapist says is mild self harm, along with separating my nail from the nail bed to induce pain, which relieves my anxiety a bit but usually leads to my fingernails being incredibly sore after. So much going on but it's nice to put it out there so I don't feel crazy.

Since writing this post I have felt so much better about pulling, I feel like acknowledging the problem has been a real step for me and just knowing that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling has been a great help. I am trying to cut down on the time a day I allow myself to pull, limiting my pulling to just wayward eyebrow hairs and trying to let the cuts on the pubic region heal without pulling of the scabs to check for hairs underneath them.

I really want this to work out, but I don't know how to have a "safe" amount of pulling, but I'm not willing to stop entirely and have messy eyebrows as I think this would raise a lot of uncomfortable questions because I have had perfect eyebrows for quite some time now. Does anyone have any experience with this? Do you think I need to stop completely or am I ok to pull in a controlled manner?

Thanks!

Lizze

Me again! Having a bit of a conversation with myself because I'm really struggling at the moment. I have recently relapsed and have just pulled a lot and have left myself in quite a lot of pain. I'm extremely stressed as I have an exam in the morning and it's all just on top of me. I would really appreciate some suggestions as to how I can best deal with the sores I have left myself with, what do you use to prevent infection?

Hi,I hope you are still alive,lol.
I read all your write up and I did feel sorry for you,actually,I feel sorry for us both.coming out to talk about this predicament is even harder than stopping the impulsive pulling...I hope I'm making a bit of sense...I've been so depressed lately and cry myself to sleep most nights...I've been this way since like forever...even before I began to pull.i must tell you I've been pulling for ten years now.it's so not funny,I pull the hair on my head which is a lot harder to mask and as a result I've permanently turned to using wigs.its like I don't even care anymore if my head is covered in bald spots or not ,right now I've got about four big patches that I'm fighting to grow back,but I still pulled last night and was depressed the whole of today because of that.sometimes I overwork my bones so I'll just go to sleep but somehow I wake up to find my hands in my hair....words alone cannot express my feelings...I pray everyday for God to take away my suicidal thoughts cos honestly,it's gotten that bad.I'm just sick of myself right now.i suffer in silence.been this way since I was a kid,...suffering in silence and dying slowly.if you need someone to talk to,I'm here.i understand your plight...so I'm here to talk of you want to.God knows I need someone to relate.
Take care