What if it's more than just Trich.

I have trichotillomania. I know I have this. But for some reason I seem to justify my pulling by trying to find something else medically wrong with me. My trich is worse now than ever before. I have always had my son's father and my fiancé to help me cope with anxiety and depression, the 2 biggest triggers of my hair pulling rampages. He is now incarcerated and I'm a complete wreck. Every day I wake up with less and less hair. Less motivation to get out of bed and spend an hour trying to make my hair look normal and cover all my spots. I tell myself everyday I won't pull, and every day I do. It is the worst feeling to be inside my own head screaming "Stop pulling!!" and fell my hand continue for hours at a time. I can not stop. My head hurts. It's so raw. I pull with tweezers and not always just from my head. I am convinced that my hair is growing under my scalp in the wrong direction. I feel like my hair gets trapped under my skin. I would swear by it. Bet my life that it is growing under my scalp I'm so sure. But no one would believe me if I told them this theory. The few I have talked to about it look at me in complete confusion and no where on the internet can I find any stories about hair being stuck under the scalp. I feel large knots of hair stuck under my skin and i just need answers. I cant live like this any long. Please help me i you have any insight on this or can point me in any direction. I am terrified. My hair stinks when I pull it from under my scalp. Like mildew because it has gotten stuck while wet. I worry I am going to get a disease or infection from this. I worry it's going to do something to my brain or cause me to have an aneurism. Or maybe the easy one would be..just accept that I have Trich and I am pulling for absolutely no valid reason at all, besides being stuck inside my own head. I just don't think it's possible for me to have imagined this situation for so long.

Please Help!!!

Hi, sounds pretty scary for you. It sounds to me like what you're describing is in grown hairs? I wasn't sure that that would be possible but if you're a chronic puller it will inevitably damage the hair follicle and cause the root to either perish or grow in an alternative direction.
I would see your doctor about your scalp, perhaps they could refer you to a dermatologist to check your scalp?
Sounds like you're going through a really hard time and the lumps you're describing sound similar to that of someone who pulls and picks their skin. If you're becoming overly obsessed with the lumps the two may go hand in hand?
Hope this helps. Cords