New to this place

Hello everyone! I've never really talked about my hair pulling before, but I recently stumbled on this forum and it seems like a welcoming place for people to talk about why they pull, where, how to cope, etc...So i decided to share my story here, without the shame of trying to tell someone who has no idea what trich. Is. Its a long one...sorry about that...but I feel like I need to write it all down and get it out for my benefit, whether people finish reading or not!

I am 22 now, and I have had trichotillomania for about 11 years. At least that is how long I have known that I pull. I can remember being 10 and my mom said to me "ive notcied that you have been pulling your hair out." and I didnt know what she was talking about until i started becoming conscious of what I was doing. She then told me that she used to pull her hair when she was young too, and would make piles of hair on her desk at school. (This interests me now, as studies I have read suggest a genetic disposition...and even now I sometimes catch my mom playing in her hair, ready to pull..though she doesnt do it very often)

Anyway... Once I became conscious of my hair pulling, I seemed to do it more often and in grade 6-7 had a bald spot on the crown of my head (my favorite place to pull), and as new hair started to grow back, i soon had a tuft of hair that stood straight up (kinda like alph-alpha from the lil' rascals lol). I can remember putting it back in pony tails and the hair would stand straight up, so i woudl gel it or try to clip it down. Even hairdressers noticed, and asked me what had happened. My mom usually stuck up for me (I was a shy kid!) and said I got bit by a bug there and scratched it till the hair fell out. I felt a lot of shame about it.

Once I hit the teen years, I started to pluck my eyebrows for beauty's sake - they were pretty bushy! - and man alive! This became my new pleasure...I LOVED the feeling of plucking my eyebrows and got excited when new hairs woudl grow in and I could pluck them out. I got a little carried away and had very thin eyebrows for awhile, but once school pictures came out and I saw how stupid I looked, I stopped going overboard and let them grow in a bit. Even to this day, i love to pluck my eyebrows but now maintain healthy, thick eyebrows..i've got that under control, if nothing else.

After the eyebrow phase, I started to pull out pubic hair at night in bed, just before falling asleep, or when I had a shower or bath. I think I enjoyed the pain the most. I know this sounds gross but Im writing it anyway lol...but i enjoyed the coarseness of the hair and feeling the bumps and ridges of the hair as I ran it through my fingers. I forgot to mention before that when I did pull my hair, i would always search for a coarse black hair on my head and pull it, it wasnt just any hair.

This kept me off my head for awhile but I eventually went back to pulling the hair on my head. Most of the time I didnt even know I was doing it. I should say here too, that I didnt have any traumatic experiences as a child and was happy and healthy. I found that I did it most when I was concentrating really hard on homework, watching TV or just casually reading. If my mom noticed me doing it, she would tell me and I woudl stop for awhile, but always went back to doing it eventually.

Even when I was conscious of me pulling and was "enjoying" it, it wouldnt satisfy me completely and I would take out the tweezers and pull the odd hair off my legs before shaving. It hurt (especially around the ankles) but seemed to satisfy me for awhile and I would stop pulling. I think the longest I have gone without pulling is about 6 months, but I always end up doing it again.

Up until I was in my 2nd year of University, I had no idea that other people pulled or that there is a psychological condition. I was in an Abnormal Psychology class, reading in my textbook about Impulse Control disorders and there it was..."Trichotillomania - the person cannot resist the urge to pluck out his or her hair, often resulting in significant hair loss". I was shocked, to say the least...I thought I was the only crazy one who did this...but relieved in a way to know this wasnt true! A little before this, I told my boyfriend that I pulled my hair, often unconsciously, and that if he ever saw me doing it to let me know and to stop me. Im sure he was confused by why I did it but he didnt say anything about it and became more aware of me playing in my hair. We've been dating 5 years now, and he still stops me when he sees my hands move up to my head. I've even shown him in my textbook that it is a psychological disorder and its not always easy for me to stop, but he seems to think that I can stop as soon as he tells me. A lot of the time, I will be playing in my hair trying to find the coarsest one to pull, and i will find one and be ready to pull it and he'll say "stop pulling"...and I feel a lot of anxiety like I NEED to pull it out...and sometimes i have to, even if he's watching. Othertimes I can get enough strength to let go and stop. Im just wondering if other people feel that anxiety too. I also get it when i cant find a coarse hair to pull and ive been searching for a long time.

Now, I try to avoid pulling the hair on my head in the same spot all the time. I move around to different places and so far, dont have bald patches. Luckily I have a thick head of hair. It doesnt help that I shed a lot of hair naturally...added to the ones I pull, my apartment is always a mess! Im always sweeping and cleaning up the hair bunnies that form which has probably led to me being a compulsive cleaner lol. Im curious to know if other people who pull also experience other OCD-like conditions. I also sometimes pick at my face but can control it.

So far, only my mom and my boyfriend know taht I pull and only from my head. Strangely enough, I dont do it in public.

One of the things that has helped me cut down on pulling my hair, is to instead sit there with a pair of scissors and go through the ends of my hair and snip off any split-hairs that I find. I still can waste hours and hours doing this...often in a daze...but at least It stops me from pulling my hair out as much.

Well, tahts about all I can think of right now that has to do with my hair pulling.... I feel better having written it all down, and maybe someone can relate to my story! I'll be visiting this forum a lot and HOPEFULLY get this hair pulling under control.

THanks for taking the time to read this.

i used to pull them out until my mom told me to just rub not pull



well that did'nt work
i just rubbed them until they fell out the i would have a big red spot that looked like a cicada killer got ahold of me!

well after that i kinda stopped pulling from there now i pull elsewhere

i guess i just got so emberassed about it so i just stopped

now i'm not saying you should get to that piont but all thing must pass

Ps. cicada killer is a 2 inch long solitary hornet which means it has no strength in numbers it is the A bomb of hornets