Just my story...

Well, I have been reading through these forums, and i must say, they do make me feel a LITTLE better about not being the only person in the world that does this. I didn't know there was an actual medical term for it until a few years ago. The only place I really pull from is my head/hair. It was BAD for a long time, to where you could see my scalp because my hair was so thin. I managed to control myself for a while, after it started getting so noticeable. But I have started again here in the last couple of years. The way everyone explains it on here, it's just crazy because I feel the same way, and thought I was crazy. I have always thought to myself "Who in their right mind cannot even control their own hands??" But it really is soooo hard! I get depressed every time I vacuum my car, because there are ALWAYS wads of hair by the driver seat, from where I let myhands stray from the steering wheel while waiting for a stop light. I do it when driving, and when watching tv mainly. It is not near as bad as it used to be. As of right now, it is not noticeable, other than the hairs on the top of my head that are growing back and are shorter than the others. It is so frustrating though, to do something and not understand WHY you are doing it. I always think to myself WHILE I do it "Why am I doing this? Don'tpull anymore....not a single strand!!" And I will move my hand back, but within the next few minutes, it's right back where it was before. Where is the pleasure in this?? Why does my brain think it is necessary to pull my hair out?? My mom told me she took me to the doctor when I was little for it, and the doctor said it was like a nervous disorder, probably caused by a trauma in my life. After my mom told me that (this was recently) I began to think back on anything that COULD have happened to me back then to cause this. The only thing I could come up with was my step-dad. I don't know if I have a memory block or what, but he and I lived alone together for a year, RIGHT before I started pulling. I have memories that are sort oflike flashes, or dreams with blank spots, you know? I remember him refusing to put on the heat in the winter, then making me sleep in his room because he had the "only" space heater and he'd "keep me warm".....I also remember him asking to shower/bathe with me. But I don't remember anything after that. I don't know....this is off-topic, and I'm sorry. But something in me really wants to find where this problem originated from. This HAS to be blamed on something, right?? I didn't ALWAYS have this problem. It came from somewhere, and I am determined to find out where. Maybe if I find out what STARTED it, it may make it easier for me to stop it?? I don't know....I have nobody to talk to about this, which is why I'm here. I can see that you guys would be able to understand where I am coming from, and God-willing, give me some advice on how to stop this? I am sorry this is so long. I just don't ever feel comfortable talking about this, because nobody would understand. Now that I feel I am in a place where people know where I'm coming from, iit feels good to let it all out. Thanks for listening.

wishitdstop>> Hi. I read your story. Don't be sorry for posting a long post - anyone who thinks it's too long doesn't have to read it. I found it interesting. It seems like that year you lived with your stepdad could have something to do with it - it kind of makes sense.

However, from what i've heard - most people don't really have any specific event or time period that caused this to happen. Personally i had a great childhood and nothing particularly unusual or stressful was happening at the time when it started (except adolescence of course). I know it's not pleasant to accept that we don't know - but in all honesty, most people can't really answer how or why it started - it just did.

Welcome to the forums. I just want to warn you that these forums are slow - not a lot of posts, so don't feel people are ignoring you if you don't get responses very quickly. If you ever want to talk (write) feel free to e-mail me (or add me on MSN) at aobfreak@hotmail.com

malina

Thanks for responding. I can understand why these forums are slow. I don't think many people actually know that there is a NAME for this condition. I have always been embarassed to ask my doctor about it. It's not like it's the flu or something. You don't see people pulling out their hair every day. I think since I found this forum, it's the best I've done with NOT pulling. I have been keeping my hair up (despite the scar) and that helps me to stop. So I guess it's just going to have to be an up-do and some heavy concealer on my face until I can forget about this stupid habit. Wish me luck! I have been suffering with this crap for so long. I know my hair COULD be long and pretty, and I am sooo determined to get it that way. I think that, if just ONCE I could control it long enough to actually SEE results, it'd help me to stop permanently. It's just getting to that point.........