I am an addict.

It feels like I am a sad drug addict. I managed to stop myself from pulling for four months and something started it again. Since I started to pull at my hair again, I feel like I can't stop and it hurts so bad. It feels likes its impossible to stop, i itch to pull every single second. For those four months that I stopped pulling, I was so incredibly happier. Now that I started in again, I feel buried in it and I am the only one who can help me. I thought I really beat it, but it keeps coming back. I gotta try again...

Yes it does feel like an addiction. I feel like that is something a lot of people don't understand. I use to have the same problem with stopping, I would stop then I would start again and I would be furious with myself. I kept thinking if I was stronger I could stop. My mistake was thinking I had to do it myself. I went six years silently suffering, until I finally spoke up and reached out for professional help. I went four years being able to manage my anxiety and impulses and when it got out of control again I sought help right away and was able to get it managed again. Don't think you have to do this alone, you don't have to be alone.