by S-man » Thu Apr 07, 2011 4:23 am
I originally had undiagnosed Tourette symptoms back when I was 16 or 17, with "stuttering" and repetitive neck tensing forcing my head forward in a "yes" motion. Back then I thought it was just nervousness because it started when I asked a girl out at 2:00 in the morning during a big house party. It lasted, off and on, for about 3 days and then went away. My ex-wife then noticed a few episodes of "stuttering" during my 20's and early 30's, but no muscle tics per se. Then, when I was 38, I had a major lack of muscle control that lasted over 2 months. The doctors kept me in the hospital for a week trying to figure out what was going on, with the end result being a diagnosis of "symptoms are psychological" (yeah, right). What was discovered was that a virus mixed with an onslaught of muscle tics (which I had never had before) resulted in a referral from one psychologist to a psychiatrist with an interest in Tourette's. That's how I was diagnosed. However, over the last 5 years, I've been experiencing an ever-increasing variety of symptoms of both muscle tics and vocal tics. "Variety is the spice of life," they say, but damn, is it ever annoying! I've tried a few different medications such as Resperidone (which had nasty side effects on me), Pimozide (which caused me to gain 40 lbs. and, over long term use, I started having tremors in my hands and mouth), and currently, Cesamet/Nabilone (which is basically cannabis without the "high"). Even though I've lost the weight and feel a lot less depressed (I'm actually back to my ever-positive "I'm doing excellent!" train-of-thought to keep from going down that road again), I've started having some severe lack of control in my lower back and upper legs which forces my legs to shoot forward into a giant step as I try to walk, making me look like I have MS or something. On top of that, my right forearm will suddenly shoot upwards repeatedly like I'm doing speed dumbbell curls. That's on top of my neck tensing up and either shooting my head forward in a "yes" or to one side over and over again, bouncing off repeatedly once it reaches its stopping point (and does this ever hurt!). That and all my myriad vocal ticks of getting stuck on a sound, syllable, or phrase, growling and grunting, opening my mouth as if to say "ah" over and over again, and screaming out (and I mean "screaming") as if I was in severe pain, which I'm not. And though the Cesamet has helped in some respects, I still have to use a wheelchair at work every once in a while (otherwise I get exhausted with the awkward gait over long distances and long periods of time of walking). On top of that, my superiors want to put me on short term disability until this "passes" (really?), which I really don't want (I was on disability for 4 months 4 years ago and then 2 more months about a year later, so I don't want to go that route of deep depression again). The positive attitude is the only thing that's somewhat keeping the stress down, but I definitely see things progressively getting more complicated with my symptoms.
I've tried deep tissue massage and acupuncture with devastating effects, making me "go wild" like a rabid animal, but I've decided to try something completely different: hypnosis. My therapist seems to think it will help, so what do I have to lose? I'll let you know how it goes.