Don't Want to Talk About It.

For the past 3 months I’ve been doing a DBT group as well as seeing a new therapist. The DBT group has been helpful and I’ve been working on some ADD testing with my therapist. On one hand I feel as though I’m putting forth a sincere effort in my treatment, on the other hand I feel as though I am holding back. I’m still not 100% comfortable sharing all my thoughts and feelings with these people.

I have yet to discuss how last year I engaged in extremely risky behavior; drinking regularly, having affairs and getting high. I know I’m not going to be judged and I’m sure there are others in my group who might even relate, yet I’m just not comfortable talking about these things yet. I also haven’t gone into detail about my rages or violent daydreams, but it’s the sexual issues that are the most difficult for me.

I still have a lot of shame and my emotions are still very fresh in this regard. I know it’s reasonable for me to cry in group or in therapy, but I loathe doing so. If I feel a subject is going to make me upset, I’m not going to discuss it because I absolutely hate crying or tearing up in front of other people. I see myself breaking down and blubbering rather than actually saying anything or finishing my thought.

My question is whether I’m hindering my progress by holding back this way or if it’s perfectly acceptable to go at a pace at which I’m comfortable with. If I’m not ready to open that emotional can of worms, maybe I should just come back to it when I have the skills to deal with it better… or do I bulldoze through the tears and humiliation I hate so much?

Hey,

If you fail to discuss these issues during the therapy, then what is it that you are actually discussing? Are you just saying that - in general - you are depressed/sad? If you don't face your issues head-on, do you believe that you can actually get 'better'?; or would the therapy sessions be wasted? You have to get something out of them, as there is no point going to a few sessions and not sharing your true problems. While saying this, you aren't the first person who hasn't been 100% honest during therapy.

What you could try is first 'admitting' to the group that you have done things that you embarrassed about, and see what their response is. there would still be no obligation for you to discuss them after you say this (but hopefully it might be a start to get to the point where you CAN feel comfortable talking about them).

Take care,
Kevin

Hi Chucky. Thanks for the input. I still discuss more relevant issues and concerns. It’s just when it comes to specific antics, I tend to clam up. I might say I still obsess about things that happened in the past, but I don’t go into the fact that I want to set so and so’s head on fire. Otherwise I do make an honest effort at using the skills I learn in DBT.

I’m not sure I fear being judged; I just have a hard time discussing these things without feeling sick to my stomach or wanting to boo hoo all over myself…which I just find too intolerable to do alone much less in front of someone who isn’t my husband or cat.

You're welcome. Perhaps this will just take time. i mean, it will take time for you to open up to the group. In my case at least, it takes me a long time to become comfortable around people. Howwever, once it happens, I can cry, laugh, insult (haha), etc. around them. So, perhaps continue with it for as long as possible, and just see what happens. You implied that you are actually getting some ground covered, so that's positive.

Kevin