Psychedelic Therapy

If you are opposed to the use of drugs, please refrain from posting. I must ask the moderators to delete any posts that condemn my therapy purely out of principle, as it is very hurtful to me that people would rather have me kill myself than cure myself.

After having heard of the therapeutic value of psychedelics against mental illness, I decided to wait until I had a remission and then tried it. To make it quick, it worked, but I was later forced to discontinue my treatment when the psychedelic I used at that time, psilocybe, became illegal in the Netherlands. After that, I sank back into depression and tried to kill myself. Of the countless things I've tried, psychedelics have been the only thing that really made me feel healthy without feeling blunted (contrary to antidepressants, which made me feel healthy but blunted, and so only made my life less fulfilling).

After my failed suicide attempt, I learnt about another psychedelic, san pedro, which is legally available in the Netherlands . As I found there is conclusive evidence that san pedro causes no brain damage, I decided to try it, and waited for a remission. But the remission never came. Sure, there were periods I was hypomanic this year, but never periods I was actually happy. As a result, I didn't dare to use the san pedro alone, but since I have only one friend who approves of my therapy, and she doesn't often have 12 hours of free time (excluding sleep), whenever I had planned to use the san pedro, I was usually depressed. Nonetheless, it worked, to be sure, but not nearly as much as it had earlier. I did feel better afterwards even though it was a difficult experience, but I didn't feel as if I'd miraculously recovered overnight, as had happened earlier. I used the san pedro three times this year, but whenever I did, it was on a moment I felt very miserable. Merely to plan to use the san pedro apparently confronts me with my emotions.

I happen to know there are other people here who have had success with psychedelic therapy. To these people in particular I want to ask how I can best use psychedelics against mental illness, how I should time it, etc. Also, as a general question, how can I best achieve a brief remission in the fastest way? I really need help here.

Is it risky to start using it at night, knowing that it will keep me awake? Should I use it alone since there isn't really anyone there for me? Should I take the risk of going out? I suppose walking or running could calm me down, but being alone on the streets might also frighten me.

Then there's the issue of place. Can I risk cycling, or might I lose my balance, or worse, not coordinate myself well in traffic? Cycling at night would deal with the problem of traffic, and I could sleep during the day, before the experience. You see, I feel very uncomfortable in my district, so if I'd go out at all, it would have to be to the center of the city, and that's too far to go on foot.
I feel more comfortable where my parents live, but of course, I could not use it in their presence. The only option there would be to be outdoors the entire day. This could be manageable enough if the experience would be positive: san pedro gives a lot of energy, so that I might not even get exhausted despite walking most of the time. Also, I could just take my laptop with me to a park, for instance. But what if things go wrong, and I need a safe place to retire to?

I have calmatives, but after using them in my last experience I know that they completely undo the therapeutic consciousness-expanding effect of psychedelics. Since I feel better even after a bad trip, I'd rather not use them anymore whatsoever, although having them with me might nonetheless be comforting.

Please give me any advice or ideas you can think of. I really need help here.

I've tried herbal stimulants but would never consider taking psychedelics. Mild stimulants (taurine, guarana, caffeine) are really good when you're low on energy or depressed. Drinking several coffees or energy drinks in a row really gives you a good boost and is something I do weekly.

I suppose you've tried good ol' marihuana? In my city if something is wrong with you it's quite easy to get a medical marihuana license, as the list of conditions accepted is quite long. I can't remember if depression is there. I qualify because of tinnitis (ringing in the ears).

Hello Oblomov,

It's a shame your question went nearly unnoticed here. Then again, maybe it's not the best forum for it.

What I can say is that I'm also very interested in this kind of therapy, which apparently went underground after the 'war on drugs'.

One of the most respected guys in this field is Dr. Stanislav Grof, google his name and you'll find a lot of stuff that may be of interest.

Personally, I've heard of positive experiences with Santo Daime, or Ayahuasca, but it was in more of a religious context. I suspect they use Peyote and San Pedro the same way. Speaking of SP, I also have some which I really want to try but I'm waiting for my life to get a little less chaotic - don't want to risk psychosis or anything (with psychedelics, there's always that risk IMHO, in less-than-ideal set/setting/dosages).

Anyway, good luck, and if you find it, please let me know!
eatmypills

With most psychedelics, there's little risk of psychosis, except possibly with marihuana. The use of marihuana is correlated with a doubling of the chance of schizophrenia, and is six times higher in the case of heavy use. However, it may also be that people more susceptible to schizophrenia are also more likely to use marihuana. During heavy use, these people might then further develop the schizotypy associated with this susceptibility until it became schizophrenia. Since I'm highly schizotypal myself, I certainly shouldn't be using marihuana heavily. However, any antidepressant effect associated with marihuana would mostly happen in the case of relatively heavy use. However, during the period of this heavy use, I think there's little you can do about your life anyway. Like traditional antidepressants, it would more create an artificial feeling of contentedness than any real improvement. Unless, that is, you regularly use it on a permanent basis, which I'm not going to do.

San Pedro has no danger of HPPD, psychosis or cognitive damage at all. For glutamatergic anesthetic dissociatives like ketamine, the risk is the highest of all hallucinogens, though most people do not classify these as real psychedelics. LSD sometimes causes temporary psychosis in very high dosages, partly, I think, because it takes a long time for these to leave the body. However, for LSD, the risk of psychosis lasting longer than 2 days was 0,08 percent (8 in 10.000) in a safe setting, and 0,18 percent (~2 in 1000) for patients receiving LSD for therapeutic purposes. Any other experience of the same intensity could likely have an equal probability of causing psychosis, I think.

Frankly, marihuana doesn't even really interest me. It seems to cause more a state of apathy than actually expanding consciousness. Unless you use very high dosages, that is, but why then not just use other, more powerful psychedelics?

In case I'm not really for a longer experience, I'll just use salvia, which lasts for only an hour when chewed.

I've given up san pedro due to its low potency and long duration. Since psilocybe itself is no longer sold, I'll try to grow them myself from now on.

In my experience, only very intense experiences can have a deeply therapeutic effect on me now, because I've already learnt most of the lessons of the less intense experiences by now. Only when I have a stronger experience can I learn more new things. All the weaker experiences can do is remind of the lessons I've already learnt.

Perhaps it's also that my life has also become more difficult now.

And tragically, not once in the past six months have I been able to start the experience with a positive mindset. I invariably used the San Pedro when I was depressed or in a mixed state, partly because I've been depressed for most of the time the last year, and partly because the prospect of using San Pedro in itself already stirred up repressed emotions from my subconscious.

I don't really gain much from negative experiences anymore. I've learnt well enough now how to deal with suffering, but I still need to learn how to deal with happiness, and how to find it.

Hi Oblomov,
I used to trip a lot, and after some trips I had a euphoric feeling, like the world finally made sense, or that I could finally understand things that I never did before. It was a great feeling, but it eventually wore off, and I got it less and less over the years as I tripped. I don't know how often I took LSD, but it was at least 50 times, sometimes taking as many as 7 hits at a time.

I've tripped with groups of people, by myself, having sex with my (now ex-) wife, at the circus, at strip clubs, performing music, painting, etc. I also had many experiences with psilocybin mushrooms, mescaline, peyote, ecstasy, & MDA. I haven't tripped in over 13 years now, and I don't think that I ever will again. I got so I enjoyed it less and less, and acid was harder and harder on my stomach. I've smoked marijuana regularly for over 30 years, but am taking a break from it now (going on 4 months, the longest I've gone without smoking pot in probably 26-27 years or so).

I don't have any experience with San Pedro, but if its anything like LSD or potent 'shrooms, I wouldn't do them by myself, especially if you've tripped less than a dozen times or so. And do yourself a favor, and don't cycle or drive while you are on them - even if you feel you are in control, psychedelics flow through you body like waves, and you can start having wild hallucinations again after you felt like you were coming down. If you want to ride your bike at night while tripping, try it with a very low dose at first.

From my experience, the potency of street drugs can really vary, and the quality of your trip also really depends on your state of mind. If you are in a good mood, and have had a positive outlook a lot lately, your trip will reflect that. Conversely, if you trip while you are depressed, or anxious, etc., that increases the likeliness of a bad trip exponentially. I've seen people freak out while tripping, and it ain't pretty - and it can leave them feeling very traumatized.

If you feel that you are having mental health issues, rather than self-medicate with psychedelics, I would strongly advise you to seek professional help, and avoid using psychedelic drugs. Drugs can make your mental state deteriorate, even if you feel they are having the opposite effect. All of my old friends who I used to trip with almost came out okay, but a few didn't. My closest friend from high school was a mathematical genius (or damn close to it - had the highest SAT score in our graduating class), but he burnt out his brain on too much angel dust (and it didn't take that much, just a few trips). He had a real hard time finishing college, and he's been working at Target ever since. And the guy I know who tripped the most is dead now (heroin overdose). And a few old rock stars of the sixties became schizophrenic from tripping too much (Syd Barrett, Peter Green, Roky Erickson, Skip Spence, etc), or at least the acid sped up the onset of their psychosis.

If you feel like you need to keep tripping, be careful, and don't overdo it. Keep a positive outlook. If you are feeling down in the dumps, or worried about something, DON'T TRIP. Wait until you are feeling better. When you are tripping, it is best to stay home, it really isn't a party drug - maybe take a long walk with some friends when you are coming down (although I did a lot of partying away from home while tripping, that was after I had done it many, many times, and I was only taking small doses those times).

Please don't take any of this as judgmental, I am just trying to impart some of the wisdom I have gained over the years from my experiences. If I had it to do all over again, I'd leave drugs alone, or at least only smoke a little weed occasionally (nothing stronger). Good luck!
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(edit) - I posted the above after reading just your first post, and now I've read your latest post. Sounds like you are already aware of much I had to say, and you are handling things well. Just be careful, and take care of yourself. Safety first, and moderation is always better than excess. I repeat - good luck!

Thanks for the advice.

Antiglutamatergics like PCP (angel dust) are indeed very deleterious for mental health and cognition in particular, though the damage can be prevented by combination with serotonergics like LSD. Either how, I'm not interested.

Circumstances changed. I now have a place of my own where no one can disturb me, and where I can therefore safely grow psilocybe of my own. I'm currently drying a harvest.

I've been traumatized by a bad trip myself. The trauma lasted for several months, but I didn't flee from it, and kept on processing it until it was gone.

I'm now waiting until I have a remission, so that I can use the psilocybe.

From my experience, the potency of street drugs can really vary, and the quality of your trip also really depends on your state of mind. If you are in a good mood, and have had a positive outlook a lot lately, your trip will reflect that. Conversely, if you trip while you are depressed, or anxious, etc., that increases the likeliness of a bad trip exponentially. I've seen people freak out while tripping, and it ain't pretty - and it can leave them feeling very traumatized.

If you feel that you are having mental health issues, rather than self-medicate with psychedelics, I would strongly advise you to seek professional help, and avoid using psychedelic drugs. Drugs can make your mental state deteriorate, even if you feel they are having the opposite effect. All of my old friends who I used to trip with almost came out okay, but a few didn't.

Unfortunately, no professional therapy, or any therapy whatoever, is of any help, and psychedelics appear to be the only thing that did help. At least, when the dosage was strong enough. It seems the only way left is to fight myself through the experience, no matter how difficult it may be.