I just had an awkward conversation with my old therapist

im so horrified right now. I just called the therapist I had when I was 12 and ugly cried to her about how my life is a mess

what the actual f is wrong with me...I was trying to ask her if she had any spots available because I really needed help. she said that she resigned two years ago and is no longer in practice

it was so awkward. I want to scream into and bite my pillow for the rest of the day. I had no one else to call and she gave me her phone number years ago in case I needed help outside of a session. im guessing that she didn't mean call her 5 years later out of the blue

im so pathetic. she probably thinks im such a freak. I couldn't even explain why exactly I was crying. she said that she'll send over some therapists referrals and resources. I feel so alone and stupid. I know that she signed up to deal with people going through hard times, but gosh, that was embarrassing and cringe worthy. that cry was one only a mother wouldn't judge you for. God just needs to take me out the game.

( sorry if this doesn't fit this forums rules. I wasn't sure what would be the best fit)

You are not alone and you are not stupid.

Therapists are used to be called by people in distress and see /hear them cry a lot. Crying a lot is normal when one is in distress. And it is logical to call a therapist you trust when in distress. So it is logical that this retired therapist would think something like "Wow, this person sure needs lots of help! It is too bad I am retired now, I would have loved to help. Oh, but I can help! I can give them ressources and the name of other therapists! That sure will help! I hope they will have an appointment soon and recieve the support that they need."

Glad to hear she'll send you ressources so you can have someone to help even if she is retired now. And remember: calling for help is brave. Especially when you do it through tears.

What Elvenstar wrote! There's nothing to be ashamed of. Neither is it wrong or weak to ask for help, nor to scream into a pillow for the rest of the day. It was brave for you to seek for help, and I hope, that what she will send to you might help you find a new and good therapist. And there's nothing wrong with you asking for help or expressing your pain. That, I think, was the right thing to do. So please forget your embarrassment and be proud of the strength needed to call out for help! You did well there!

Welcome to PF. Asking for help is considered to be a sign of strength. Not everyone has the courage to do so.
Attitudes & resources for mental health support have evolved a lot recently. We are here to provide our personal experiencess & advice. We are not professionals. Think of us as peers. Many of us have come out the other side of the past darkness & recovered.
We are good listeners also.