Crossing a line?

My father recently passed away and it's been rough. I would like to ask my therapist if he would come to the wake or funeral because is presence really helps. Is it crossing a line for me to ask this? Or would it be crossing one if he came?

I'm sorry for your loss.

It would probably be unethical for your therapist to come to your father's wake or funeral. They are supposed to have a professional relationship with you, so if they start coming to personal things like this that's probably not really maintaining a purely professional relationship with you.

Having said that, I think there is no harm in discussing with your therapist how you feel like his presence really helps. You might even want to actually ask. Just if you do, be prepared for it to feel a bit awkward if he says no. But it could be useful for you to discuss how you feel about his presence, this is something you can look at in therapy and see what role he is taking in your life.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you get through the funeral and wake, even if you don't have the helpful presence of your therapist.

So, in response to the above response, I did ask and he did in fact attend. I understand why some therapists wouldn't and the limitations, but is it a problem that he did come? Should I be concerned about that?

Well done for having the courage to speak to him about your desire for him to attend.

How you feel about the boundaries here seems unresolved, even from when you were first asking.

Imjustagirl17 wrote:Is it crossing a line for me to ask this? Or would it be crossing one if he came?

Do you feel like he was crossing a line? Do you feel like it is a concern or problem that he came?

It seems you have enough discomfort about the thought of him coming and the fact that he came to ask the question. Perhaps you should have a further discussion with him about how you feel about these boundaries and what his take on coming to the funeral is?

Obviously if there was some specific rule somewhere stating therapist shouldn't attend their patients' relatives' funerals then he would have overstepped a line by coming but I'm not sure there is going to be a rule that specific. I'm not quite sure where the line is with something like this.

Do you ever get concerned that he (or yourself) are crossing other lines during the course of your therapy with him?

I don't really think it's crossing a line. It was comforting having him there to support me. I've just had multiple people in the mental health care field tell me it was, which made me question it. But he does do things differently than other therapists I've had in the past and honestly, those slight differences are what makes it work better for me.

That being said, I do think I'm probably more "attached" to him than I "should be". But I'm also not quite sure how it's possible to form a purely professional relationship with someone who you tell everything to and who is one of your biggest supporters.