Is same sex therapist better or worse?

I'm 30 year old male and have social anxiety/depression etc (quite severe) for many years and am just now starting to see a psychologist about it.. and have a few different options but am finding it hard to make a choice.

If anyone here has experience with different psychologists.. do you think it's better if they are older than you or younger, or if they are same sex (male) or opposite sex (female)?

I can see positives and negatives to both but I wonder what people's actual experiences are?

I guess a lot of people seek out opposite sex therapists but I could see how it could lead to a lot of distraction.. where as if they were same sex.. you could concentrate more on the things that matter and focus better instead of being uncomfortable about certain issues. Men can relate to other men better, women can relate to other women better etc. Am I wrong?

Hello,

I think it's a very individual thing.

I am a gay man in his 30s. I had male and female therapists, younger and older, one of them was a gay man and that was the worst (I believe he fell in love with me, and that was last thing I wanted). For me the best match was a straight guy in his 50s, different from me in all aspects imaginable, but very smart, funny, able to get me to contradict myself within 20 seconds and realise I am doing it, make me cry for half an hour then leave his office with a big smile and feeling good.

I imagine (possibly completely wrongly) for you a woman might be more problematic than a man due to the social anxiety problems. My first therapist, the guy in his 50s I described, has taught me to open up completely about my problems and made me feel not judged, helped me a lot and in general was fantastic; unfortunately he no longer works in the field which is why I worked with other people. Some of them were great at their jobs. Some were terrible. I don't see a pattern of age, sex or anything else. It's a job, after all is said and done, and some people are better and some are worse at their jobs.

I hope this was a bit helpful and wish you all the best!

You should choose whatever feels best to you. Give it some thought, imagine possible conversations and whether or not you would be comfortable discussing certain things with either gender. Try to honestly assess whether you could trust and respect a therapist much younger than yourself. There is no right or wrong. Just go with your gut.

Cheers guys. I'll give it some thought..

It all depends with what you are looking for. I have had two female therapists, one good and one fantastic, and only one psychiatrist- an older man who came highly recomended by my fantastic therapist. Never seen a psychologist. In my experience I have trouble relating some things to my psychiatrist, particularly sexual things like loss of labido form medication, etc. ideally you want someone who is as personable and compatible with your personality while also being as professional and informed as possible. It's all about balance. Relationships with a mental health professional don't develope over night, but I think a great start begins with a good interview style first appointment.

SeafoamFang wrote:ideally you want someone who is as personable and compatible with your personality while also being as professional and informed as possible.

Very true; if your personality types are polar opposites, and the therapist can't perspective-take on your situation, it absolutely won't work. If we're talking about MBTI here I would prefer a IxFx type, maybe a one who's overcame social phobic issues themselves, and actually understands the struggle (not just plainly saying "you just have to go out and do stuff"). Preferred sex would be female - although so long as they're not talking down to me, and they actually takes my issues seriously - I don't really care too much. Preferred age range would be several years older than me, because that's who I get on with best. Not overly warm, but not cold as ice and intimidating either, just a happy medium.

Maybe I'm being too picky... it's just that I can only get along with others who unconditionally accept me, and if I sense the slightest bit of rejection or contempt I shut down again emotionally. People who are very shy, emotionally cold, and hypersensitive - such as myself - aren't exactly the easiest to relate to!