Advice about female stalker/predator????

I will try to keep this as brief as possible.

I met my cousin for the first time when we were adults, about 3 years ago. She is 41 years old now, a therapist who used to work with autistic people, now a social worker. She and I both have Aspergers Syndrome. She and I became friends and she seemed to like me a lot. I came to trust her over a period of about a year and felt comfortable sharing personal information with her. Over time she started to say things that had to do with issues that she knew were very sensitive to me. These were direct attacks against my sexuality. She would never acknowledge that her comments were inappropriate, and she would never acknowledge that her comments might bother me. Instead, she would usually blame me in ways that made me feel guilty or ashamed, or very insecure, and it became very stressful for me. Eventually, after doing lots of research I determined that she is extremely passive aggressive, has dependency issues, and is very manipulative and controlling. She was intentionally psychologically abusing me. She has a long history of failed relationships, all of which she claims to have been the victim. She is currently separated from another husband and they plan to divorce. Several relatives have noticed that she seems oddly obsessed with me. When we were staying in a yurt together once she got really cuddly with me and fell asleep with her head on my leg. I was talking to one of her sisters about her and her sister told me she had a bad experience when she was a child that she either does not remember or refuses to admit she remembers. Her sister would not tell me the details of this event though. I have since stopped talking to this cousin because I think she is psychosexually abusive to males, even her cousin.

I told you that background so I could tell you this.

This same cousin has been texting my 20 year-old autistic nephew many times per day for a few years. She did not know him until a few years ago, when our families connected through a social networking website. She became close friends with my nephew around the same time she became close friends with me. My nephew really likes talking to her. He trusts her and they still chat daily. They live a long distance from each other and they do not meet each other in person. I believe she is probably abusing him psychologically in some ways too, but I have no proof because no one but the two of them knows what they chat about. But it does seem odd that a 41 year old woman would become such close friends with the 20-year-old son of her cousin that they text almost every hour for a couple of years. I let my nephew's parents know how she is and they are concerned. Here is the problem. He is 20 years old. He likes this woman and wants to continue chatting with her. He is autistic and would never be able to recognize psychological abuse if she is subjecting him to such abuse (and I have a strong feeling she probably is). His parents don't know how to get him to stop texting her so much because they don't want to forbid him from talking to her with no hard proof that she is doing anything wrong, and they certainly don't want to punish him by taking his phone away or anything harsh like that. He is of legal age and is starting to assert his autonomy with the "I'll do what I want and there is nothing you can do about it" attitude. I don't know if there is any legal way to forbid her from texting him. We all live in the United States, so American laws would apply.

Does anyone have any advice about how a situation like this could be resolved without being unfair to my nephew? The female cousin, who has worked as an autism therapist and is now a social worker, should probably not be licensed to work in that field, but she is. We would all prefer that his relationship with her would be permanently terminated and that she never contact him again. Any advice???

If you feel that a social worker is going beyond what is proper in her profession you contact her chef and state your case. The employer is by law obligated to hold an inquiry.

If however the person does so outside of her profession, privately, then given that your cousin is old enough it's between them two. In this case all you can do is keep a close eye on his behavior. As long as he behaves as he always does evidently the relation has no negative effect.

Should you however notice a marked change in his behavioral pattern, seems moody, turned into himself, has rages or acting out behavior then you could try to intervene.

But at this stage, you say he has benefit from the relation, i would hesitate to intervene. You could actually cause to drive him further into her arms since he would feel you are trying to take away something he deems valuable.

loanjers wrote:I came to trust her over a period of about a year and felt comfortable sharing personal information with her. Over time she started to say things that had to do with issues that she knew were very sensitive to me. These were direct attacks against my sexuality. She would never acknowledge that her comments were inappropriate, and she would never acknowledge that her comments might bother me. Instead, she would usually blame me in ways that made me feel guilty or ashamed, or very insecure, and it became very stressful for me. Eventually, after doing lots of research I determined that she is extremely passive aggressive, has dependency issues, and is very manipulative and controlling. She was intentionally psychologically abusing me. She has a long history of failed relationships, all of which she claims to have been the victim. She is currently separated from another husband and they plan to divorce. Several relatives have noticed that she seems oddly obsessed with me. When we were staying in a yurt together once she got really cuddly with me and fell asleep with her head on my leg. I was talking to one of her sisters about her and her sister told me she had a bad experience when she was a child that she either does not remember or refuses to admit she remembers. Her sister would not tell me the details of this event though. I have since stopped talking to this cousin because I think she is psychosexually abusive to males, even her cousin.

This paragraph reminds me of my stepfather and the relationship i had to him.
Some people just don`t get along, i could write you a whole long answer but i won`t, i will just say that some people don`t get along.

Maybe she is uncertain about her feelings towards you and what type of relationship she wants to have with you? She sounds a bit uncertain, you said she had some problems. To me it sounds like she has a problem with bonding and therefore also is maybe afraid of being abandoned?
That might be the reason for why she is "clinging" to this nephew???

If you have stated a concern and nothing happened, then i don`t think there is much else to do?
I am no expert, maybe someone else reads more into that last paragraph then i can and can give you a better answer?

But like i said, if you have raised your concern and your doubts, then maybe there isn`t much else you can do?

Its very difficult to state whether or not she is doing something illegal, like you say yourself you are not sure yourself. Unless you have evidence of something bad happening, then i think you should focus on yourself.

Family relations are always difficult to cope with when it comes to having contact with someone you maybe don`t see so often.
The gap left after you stop seeing them also leaves a lot of questions.

Nobody wants to be left alone and when it comes to family there is some unwritten law that we should stay together, so when we don`t it leaves a lot of questions.

It might be that you are jealous about her relationship to your nephew?
There are a lot of questions, not accusations.