Hello all,
I've come to a forum because I have no idea where else to go to. I don't really know what I'm looking for, maybe some sort of validation that I'm not a complete arse and that I am right in being concerned and worried.
I've been virtually stalked by someone (I'll call her Annie) for the greater part of my adult life. We met online in an AOL Chatroom (I'm showing my age...) when I was a teenager. She was 4 years my senior. We began to be pen pals and would talk pretty consistently. I thought it was such a huge deal that I was actually talking to a 20-something year old, and would brag to my friends, etc. After a few months of chatting, I had started to date someone in the real world, and made it known to her. My first in a series of mistakes, as she (Annie) had taken it into her hands to make her known to my lady friend and accused me of telling her that I had told her I loved her and how I had lied to her. I later divulged this to my lady friend and she had understood. I cut off communication with Annie and thus began the incessant e-mails, messages, threats online, etc. Eventually, the messages dwindled.
It was later during college, she had message me again, expressing remorse. I replied, sincerely hoping that we could be friends again. I was wrong. I tried to be her friend many times. Each time, she insulted me and put it aside. Each time, an apology and I let it go.
It was then when I started to see a pattern in her messages that went like this:
1. Regret for the Past
2. Apologizing - Promise that it wasn't my fault
3. Claiming how I was the perfect man
4. Asking to reconnect as just "friends"
5. Harsh words and blaming me for breaking her heart
6. Calling me a piece of $#%^, narcissist, selfish, cruel person that will never love.
In the interim of 10+ years, after changing my screen name, e-mail, phone number, multiple times, she still continues to find me. She opens new e-mail accounts if I've blocked her, and honestly, I'm tired or changing e-mails and feeling guilty for something that happened when I was still a teenager.
I am leaving out a lot of details, such as during that time, she got married, had a child, was in a near-death experience, etc. All of which she was shared with me, all of which she has somehow associated with me or somehow faulted me on some aspect.
It's now 2018 and to this day, she continues to berate me and blame me for her illness. Unbeknownst to me as I had blocked her number but found out my phone saves all my blocked messages, she has started messaging me atleast 5 - 10 times a day since November, with moments of silence that last a month, and then resurfacing again.
"It makes me sick to my stomach to think of u."
"You'll never know how to love"
"I wish u'd stop being so mean."
I've tried every approach under the sun. I've blocked her on EVERY form of media, I've tried to be her friend, I've tried to console her, tell her things will be all right, and nothing ever seemed to work in this more-than-a-decade long drama.
A month ago, I had received an eerie e-mail in which she said she was tired of it all and wanted to end it all. I took this to mean she was having suicidal thoughts and immediately called the Suicide Hotline and had the authorities make a Wellness Check. She told the cops she was all right, and threw it back at me 100X over.
Am I at fault? Should I blame myself for her behavior? If she won't move on, what can I do?
Thank you all for reading this. This post has been somewhat of a cathartic release for me as I've never told anyone the whole story and anyone in my life that knows about the situation only knows tidbits and pieces and honestly, their advice is limited at best, without any fault to the giver.
Yours,
WritefullySo