Shopping Addiction

I am in my early 20s, I graduated college but like most college graduates I am underpaid and it is difficult to find a job. Since I graduated high school I have had spending problems. I spend money I shouldn't for things that I don't need. I never go into debt but I spend to the point that I don't make money. If a monthly income was 2,000, then I'd spend about 2,000 not going into debt but not saving. I have been diagnosed with Bi-polar and OCD. I am taking medication and I was doing perfectly fine, however recently I have started to spend again.

I don't know what else to do, I've ruined my relationship with my parents and I feel worse and worse, which leads to more spending to to pick myself up. I do have low self-esteem and I feel alone or misunderstood a lot. I have a great home and loving parents but I still feel alone and sad. I don't like to talk to a lot of people and I keep to myself. I just don't know what to do to stop the spending! It's making my life worse and I know it is, but I don't know what to do to stop it. I feel lost and alone

Unfortunately, in this age, spending has not become a difficult thing. One does not need to get his butt of his chair, walk or drive to a nearby store, find whatever item he wants, and pay cash money to purchase it. A few clicks are the only prerequisites before Amazon sends you your item in the mail. And that has its pros and cons.

What pushes you to spend this much? Is it anxiety about something? Does it make you feel good or satisfied to purchase things? Or is it just desperation and despair, especially with regards to your personal life related to your friends and family? I wonder this because I have the exact opposite thing, which is buyer’s remorse, and I always feel guilty when buying things, but I can list some reasons why. Can you bring some reasons to the table as to what motivates you to spend this much?

Now, the best way to get better at spending is not to spend. Of course, that is easier said than done. Spending is impulsive in nature. In today’s world, ads and items flash at us repeatedly, whether on YouTube videos or on the sides of extremist alt-right websites. So it is easy to get pulled in real quick and buy something. What I want you to do is set up a mini budget. Write your income every month. Then subtract by all the bills you have left. Then subtract by how much you want to save that month. Do you want to save, say, $100 or $125? Your choice. Then, whatever remains, you can divide by four (weekly) or 28 (daily) so you have a set amount of money that you can spend every week/day without having to stress. This is money within the red zone that you can spend as you like it! I strongly believe once you can make this plan, and it is idiosyncratic, that you can detach any guilt or despair as you get to spend within the limits without having to encroach upon other important areas.

You can also force yourself to take out the money in savings and put it into something like a CD bank account or something. That way, any money that goes there, you cannot take it until a period of time passes, and during this period of time your amount of savings actually increases thanks to the bank. Basically, you’re putting your savings into an account and putting a temporary lock on it.

I want you to mend the fences, even if partially, with your parents. I believe they love you so much and want the best for you. I hate that they don’t understand you well, and you can only blame them so much if they don’t know you have these issues, but if they do, it kind of sucks. I feel you man. I want you to give them a call. Parents’ hearts, even if rocks, are soft, and they would feel really excited about a change in you. A short conversation, greeting hi, asking about dad/mom and other people, then getting into the pith of the matter…that enough may mend the fences. But of course, the talk about the spending is paramount. Remember that your parents can also help you in this, and they would be more than happy to give you money or help you manage your money so you do not spend it extremely.

I also want you to feel happy. The happier you are, the less likely you go into the route of spending too much. Find something you like to do and do it. Whether it is reading, riding a bike, watching late night shows, partying (if nothing wrong happens), painting, even daydreaming. Whatever it is, do it, and relish in it. Not only does it pass time and makes you occupied, it makes you a better person.

Keep asking questions.