Hi, it's Monday morning,yet to me it's still Friday- I'm new

hello.
this is my first post here. tell you the truth i'm not even sure why i'm here. i feel a bit of a fake - since it appars everybody (docs, friends, social workers) all say i am better. but, you know i don't feel like it.

it is almost 10 am on the morning watch, yet i've been up for 3 days now. yes, there was some 10-15 min cat-nap, but no more. so here i am.

i think i am here because i am a bit tired and lonely. don't know which is first.

i am 32 this year and though, i've been "ill" since 12-14, only after i lost the love of my life in 2000, did i get "official."
i have PTSD, GAD, Agoraphobia, Depression and i'm Borderline.
all this is fine, but changes little: what i really am is someone who's been told that what i feel is NOT real.

i think i can live with all the others, but to not trust what i feel, to have constantly "confirm" what i feel with others (docs etc) is what gets to me.

i know no one who feels something that is not there. i am such a person: when i feel pain, i must push it aside, question it and doubt it.

what does one do, when one looses the ability to trust one's own sensations? six years and counting - how can i live like this?

is there anybody out there?

Hey, whitehorseguy! I don't have this disorder and I hope that you can find someone who might understand better than I do.
I think that you should trust your feelings. They are there for a reason even if this reason is the disorder or if there might be psychological reasons. Those are still your feelings and you don't have to feel "cheated".
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should accept them as a part of you and then figure out if they're there becouse of the disorder. You can talk and vent here as much as you need and I hope you will feel better soon.

thanks Jasmin

(((((((((((whitehorseguy)))))))))))